SGUK Episode 156

THE HEIR APPARENT

A Psychological Unpacking of Prince William

I will explore the various stages of the lives of Prince William and Prince Harry – mainly Prince William in this podcast. Each stage will outline events that occurred and which informed the reactions at the time, and how they evolved as the Princes moved from childhood into adulthood. By the end of this series of podcasts, I hope you all start to see the themes emerging, and which set out the landscape and emotional contributions as to how they each react to various key stages in life. Both on a different path, but yet interlinked in many ways, whilst at the same time, following different paths. Paths that one chose, and the other accepted on the assumption that a wingman would be present. Maybe another wingman is present but not who the establishment anticipated. No one appears to be asking why a wingman is necessary, and if so, why is it not someone from within the Firm? Anticipated allegiance from a family member as opposed to a wingman outside of the fold, posing a risk if they step outside of the fold at some point. Let’s explore the foundations leading up to the current day.

In each episode I will utilise two academic models to link various events in the life of the two Princes to the framework of the Academic outlines, and at the end of the series, I will bring them all together, and form my hypothesis of the reasons for what is happening now, and the likely key points in the futures of both Princes and the Monarchy itself. Not forgetting the whole village that has grown up around the Monarchy and the subsistence they each receive in various ways as a result of being part of such a framework. Keep this in mind when various people like to come in front of a camera to sell the idea that the Monarchy is essential for the UK, and that someone daring to walk away from Royal life, is regarded as a traitor to the Monarch and the nation. No matter whether these individuals are so called experts, or work in the media, or who receive a wage from being on the staff of the Monarch etc., always remember that the views they spout every day are biased in that they benefit from the status quo remaining in place for decades to come. It is not about the welfare of the Royals themselves, or the children brought into the world to be the foot soldiers and future Whipping Boys & Girls of the future. The assembly line of a constant supply of new people being born into the industry is simply Master and Slave mentality born into opulence behind Plantation Gilded gates – gates that no one is allowed to exit and live elsewhere. Slaves who escape are hunted down and destroyed or forced back. It is meant to be a warning to any others who may be considering it. Let us all explore the life journey of the sons of the King, and see if you can spot the key areas of their lives to bring them to where we are now with the Monarchy, the village and the Republic movement.

Growing Up

Growing up, Prince William and Prince Harry were not your typical royal children. In fact, many aspects of their upbringing differentiated them from princes and princesses of previous generations. Back in the 1930s, the young Queen Elizabeth II and Princess Margaret were so sheltered from the real world that they were allowed to play only with girls of a certain standing; and while they did go to the British supermarket Woolworths on one or two occasions, it was only under the strict supervision of their nanny, Marion Crawford, that the girls were allowed to experience life outside of palace walls.

Harry and William, on the other hand, were allowed to get a better glimpse of the real world. As a more modern mom, Princess Diana exposed her boys to things like fast food restaurants and carnival rides. Speaking to ABC News, the princess’ former press secretary, Patrick Jephson, explained, “She made sure that they experienced things like going to the cinema, queuing up to buy a McDonald’s, going to amusement parks, those sorts of things that were experiences that they could share with their friends.”

That said, though, William and Harry did get a privileged royal education. Both boys attended prep school, a sort of elite boarding school for middle school children, instead of pursuing a purely public education. Indeed, when William was 8 years old, he headed off to Ludgrove School to study. Years later, when Harry turned that same age, he joined William

William Had an Heir’s Education

As the future King of England, Prince William did not get a normal education. After all, the end goal of his upbringing was not to produce a doctor or a teacher, but rather a future monarch. Because of this, the British royal family wanted William to have a uniquely formal education, one which could prepare him for his singular role. As royal expert Tom Quinn explained in the documentary “William and Kate: Too Good to Be True?” “William’s childhood would have been very much as an 18th-century aristocrat’s childhood would have been. Governesses, nannies, the absolute best of everything. But also, added to that, he would have been cosseted.”

While it is true that William was probably a pretty pampered child, his mother, Princess Diana, pushed him to have more normal experiences. In her view, William would be a better king if he was able to relate to normal people — and one of the ways for him to develop this skill would have been by attending prep school at the Ludgrove School. There, the young prince had to share a bedroom with four other boys. While the quarters at Ludgrove were cozy yet practical, they were a far cry from the luxurious bedroom with a view that he enjoyed at the palace. Ultimately, though, this arrangement forced William to learn how to deal with non-royal people on a day-to-day basis.

“Having every detail of your family life played out publicly is particularly difficult as a child.” Of course, we must remember that this dynamic was likely exacerbated by the fact that King Charles III and Princess Diana filed for divorce while William and Harry were studying at Ludgrove. As a result, the boys’ classmates probably had unusual insight into their parents’ marital issues.

Harry continued to study at Ludgrove, while William had already moved on to Eton College. In hopes of supporting his younger sibling during this emotional time, William begged his father to allow Harry to join him at Eton.

Royal expert Christopher Andersen related this story in his book, “Brothers and Wives: Inside the Private Lives of William, Kate, Harry, and Meghan.” The journalist wrote, “William believed this was not the time for the two brothers to be separated, and he told [his nanny] Tiggy and his father that he doubted Harry was emotionally resilient enough to return to Ludgrove alone.” Apparently, the older prince wanted to protect his more vulnerable little brother. “I don’t want to go away from him now,” William said. “He needs me.” Sadly, though, King Charles III did not allow Harry to accompany William to school, and the brothers lost this sense of closeness. Years later, when Harry joined his brother at Eton, William did not want him tagging along. In “Spare,” Harry wrote that William ignored him. Apparently, the future King Charles III felt that it wouldn’t be particularly helpful to remove Harry from an environment where he felt happy and throw him into a new school environment. Per Andersen’s report, Charles said that “The return to routine will be good for [the princes]. They need to see that life goes on.”

Unfortunately, for Prince Harry, things were not that simple. Although he did ultimately return to Ludgrove for that final year of prep school, the young prince was said to struggle immensely. As Andersen wrote, “There were times when Harry suddenly became quiet — ‘lost in thought and sad-looking,’ a fellow student remembered.” Indeed, Harry spent much of his last year of prep school grieving the incredibly public loss of his mother.

Media Portrayal of William and Harry

An extract from BBC News on an article written by Sean Coughlan a BBC Royal Correspondent dated 7^th January 2023:-

“Wonderful. Now you’ve given me an heir and a spare, my work is done.” That was the conversation that Prince Harry said marked the day of his own birth, with the then Prince Charles joking to the Princess of Wales about the arrival of their second son.

The story is told in Harry’s memoir, called Spare, and he says the term was often used to describe him, within his own family.

“They would say it without a spirit of judgement, but straight out. I was the shadow, the supporting actor, the plan B,” he writes, in a translation of the book’s Spanish edition.

“I was brought into this world in case something happened to Willy,” he writes, using the nicknames that saw Prince William as “Willy” and Prince Harry as “Harold”.

The saying “an heir and a spare” refers to aristocratic families needing an heir to inherit a title or an estate, and the “spare” as the younger sibling who could be the replacement if anything happened to the heir before he or she has their own children.

It clearly annoyed Prince Harry enough to use it as a title for his book, and it taps into the longstanding difficulty of this uncertain royal understudy role, where there’s wealth and privilege but no obvious sense of purpose.

“It’s a non-position,” says royal expert Professor Pauline Maclaran, from the Centre for the Study of Modern Monarchy, Royal Holloway, University of London.

“There’s no clear role apart from shaking hands and being pleasant to people,” says Prof Maclaran.

A life of pointless luxury might have its decadent charms, but it also carries a heavy risk of unfulfillment and lack of direction.

So much so that Prof Maclaran says that a modern, slimmed-down monarchy should either find better defined roles for such individuals, or else release them from any royal expectations, once they’ve slipped down the pecking order of succession.

Royal historian Ed Owens says Sweden and Denmark are examples of where such an approach has been taken, “downsizing” the royal families, so that individuals who might have been marginal “spares” can have their own private lives “unfettered by royal responsibilities”.

Another example of an Heir and a Spare and how senior Royal staff looked down on the Spares.

Margaret grew jealous of the attention paid to her older sister. “She would always remain resentful that her older sister received a better education,” Bedell Smith writes in Elizabeth the Queen. “She had asked to join Elizabeth (Lilibet’s) tutorials with Henry Marten, but was told by the tutor, ‘It is not necessary for you.’”

I have included sections about narcissistic behaviours in this podcast, and it features in the other two episodes in this series – not least because I feel the current King displays Narcissistic behaviours frequently, and I see it in Prince William. No surprise really, as King Charles focussed most of his attention (limited as it was) on ensuring that Prince William would mirror his style of thinking and behaviour, in order to ensure that the Monarchy had a long life ahead. Much of the vindictiveness and coercive control behaviour of the King and his Heir, reinforces with each act, how Narcissistic they are, as they both regularly display the many traits of this approach in life, on a regular basis. Let’s explore and see what you think.

What happens when a narcissist loses control over you?

A narcissist losing control can be truly terrifying. Depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, they can become aggressive, violent, or withdrawn while isolating you from the outside world.

The question might now be, “How does a narcissist act according to the different types”? So, you could be dealing with an overbearing, overt narcissist or a paranoid narcissist who projects their flaws onto you.

You might face a narcissistic collapse at the extreme end of the scale. Essentially, losing control over you or your environment is highly triggering for a narcissist. When a narcissist loses power, you’ll see them revert to pure emotion completely out of control.

So, how does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? If they are so triggered, they’ll lash out at you verbally and physically. They’ll essentially do anything to cover the shame of being humiliated or stressed to such levels.

When a narcissist realizes your refusal to be controlled, they panic because their demands are no longer met. They’ll become coercive, manipulative, and potentially aggressive. On the other hand, they might become superficially charming to lure you back in before they start controlling you again.

Where does a narcissist’s need for control come from?

Narcissism lies on a spectrum. While we all need a healthy amount of narcissism to be confident enough to live our lives, extreme narcissism is devastating for everyone involved. The problem with narcissists is that their issues are so deep that they rarely see the need for change.

Dr. Jeffrey Young specifically developed schema therapy to help those particularly resistant, like most narcissists. His therapy also gives us an understanding of where it all comes from. It helps us understand the question, “How does a narcissist react when they can’t control.”

Schemas, or maladaptive reactions and beliefs, come from traumatic experiences, especially during childhood. Without a supportive family network, narcissists develop deeply held beliefs of mistrust, perfectionism, and shame.

These beliefs then translate into what we call narcissistic manipulation. The coping behaviors they learned to hide the pain of shame and mistrust blow up as the controlling bully, paranoid perfectionist, or overbearing fanatic.

In summary, when a narcissist can’t control you, all the pain from the past comes up to the surface. Imagine a caged wild animal desperate to be set free.

How Does a Narcissist React When They Can’t Control You Anymore?

By Anne Duvaux

Updated: 12 Dec, 2023

That’s why what happens when a narcissist loses control is frightening. They can be physically violent, and you should prioritize your safety. Simply walk away. A useful next step is to reach out to narcissist support groups.

Common narcissist behaviors when their needs aren’t met :-

The things to expect when a narcissist’s needs aren’t met include physical and verbal violence. When narcissists lose control over their environment, their needs aren’t met. So, they panic and become reactive.

They might also try to distort reality to suit their needs again. Tactics include over-generalizing, blaming, catastrophizing, always being right, and many more.

How does a narcissist act in that case? It doesn’t just involve immediate reactions. They might also become vindictive and manipulative behind the scenes. So, they’ll lie to your friends and family so they can all turn against you.

When narcissists can no longer control you, they might even go online and create rumors and stories about you. Alternatively, they’ll give you the silent treatment and make you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

Essentially, the question “How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you?” has many examples depending on the type of narcissist.

So, the covert narcissist will blame everyone else and become highly defensive. On the flip side, an overt narcissist might become exploitative, but the antagonistic one will fight.

At this point, you might be wondering how to control a narcissist. The short answer is that you can’t. If you do try, you’ll only trigger the issues that led them to become a narcissist. Remember that they’re often controlling to counteract previously controlling parents.

Nevertheless, you can be assertive with a narcissist and make yourself heard. The first step is to ensure you’re not in any physical danger.

Then, what does a narcissist mean when they control, dismiss or antagonize you? As we’ll see in the next section, knowing the underlying cause behind the behavior can help you strategize to assert yourself.

How Does a Narcissist React to Being Blocked

Blocking a narcissist is a decision that many individuals contemplate when dealing with the challenges of interacting with someone who exhibits narcissistic personality traits.

Narcissism is a complex and often problematic personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, a lack of empathy for others, and a tendency to manipulate and exploit those around them for personal gain.

If you don’t know how does a narcissist react to being blocked, dealing with them can be emotionally draining, frustrating, and even detrimental to one’s well-being.

The decision to block a narcissist, whether on social media or in other forms of communication, is a matter of personal choice and depends on various factors. It can be a protective measure to safeguard one’s mental and emotional health.

Blocking a narcissist can help create boundaries, minimize exposure to their manipulative tactics, and reduce the negative impact they have on your life. However, it’s important to consider the context of your relationship with the narcissist, potential consequences, and your own well-being when making this decision.

Let’s understand the reasons one might consider blocking the narcissist, the potential benefits and drawbacks, and alternative strategies for dealing with them effectively.

Ultimately, the decision to block a narcissist should be made with careful consideration of your own needs, boundaries, and the specific dynamics of the relationship in question.

12 behavioral examples

Blocking a narcissist can trigger a range of reactions, as they often have a fragile ego and are highly sensitive to perceived threats to their self-esteem and control.

While the specific response may vary depending on the individual and the nature of your relationship with them, here are 12 ways that a narcissist may react when they discover they have been blocked:

1. Rage and outbursts

When a narcissist realizes they’ve been blocked, they can react with explosive anger. This intense rage is a response to the perceived threat to their control and ego.

They may flood your inbox with furious messages, leave voicemails filled with expletives, or even show up at your doorstep in a fit of fury.

This reaction stems from their inability to handle rejection and their desperate need for admiration and validation.

2. Attempts to manipulate

Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and when blocked, they often resort to cunning tactics to regain control. They may try to manipulate you into unblocking them by using guilt, flattery, or empty promises to change their ways.

They’ll minimize their own harmful behaviors and shift blame onto you, attempting to play on your emotions and vulnerabilities.

3. Victim playing

Some narcissists adopt a victim mentality when they’ve been blocked. They cast themselves as the injured party, claiming that you’ve wronged them by blocking them and portraying you as the aggressor.

This manipulative tactic is aimed at eliciting sympathy and support from others, making it appear as though you’re the one who has done something wrong.

4. Smear campaigns

To protect their image and control the narrative, narcissists may launch a smear campaign against you when blocked.

They may spread false information, gossip, or negative stories about you to damage your credibility and isolate you from mutual friends or acquaintances. This strategy is designed to maintain their facade of superiority while tarnishing your reputation.

5. Hoovering

Hoovering is a tactic where the narcissist attempts to draw you back into their life after you’ve cut ties. When blocked, they may oscillate between periods of intense remorse and nostalgia. During these phases, they’ll send messages filled with regret and affection, seeking to lure you back into their manipulative web.

6. Gaslighting

Narcissists often employ gaslighting techniques to make you doubt your own perception of reality. When blocked, they may claim that you’re overreacting, imagining things, or misinterpreting their actions. Gaslighting is intended to make you second-guess your decision to block them and question your own judgment.

7. Silent treatment

Some narcissists respond to being blocked with the silent treatment. They’ll withhold communication for an extended period, banking on your fear of abandonment to prompt you to unblock them and seek their approval. This tactic is used to regain control and power over the situation.

8. Creating alternate accounts

In the digital age, narcissists may go to great lengths to circumvent the block. They might create fake social media profiles or use the accounts of friends or family members to continue monitoring your life. This persistence underscores their determination to maintain control and access to your information.

9. Stalking and harassment

In extreme cases, a narcissist’s reaction to being blocked can escalate to stalking or harassment. They may follow you physically, spy on your online activities, or make unwelcome advances, causing significant distress and potentially leading to legal consequences.

10. Sudden charm offensive

When blocked, some narcissists switch tactics and suddenly become excessively charming and apologetic.

They may shower you with gifts, compliments, and promises of change in a bid to regain your favor and access to your life. This charm offensive is a manipulative ploy to regain control over the relationship.

11. Threats and ultimatums

In moments of desperation, narcissists may resort to issuing threats or ultimatums when blocked. They may employ emotional manipulation, such as threatening self-harm or legal action, to coerce you into unblocking them. The specific nature of the threat can vary depending on the narcissist’s personality and available resources.

12. Seeking allies

Narcissists may reach out to mutual friends, family members, or acquaintances when blocked, attempting to recruit allies who can pressure you to unblock them. They may manipulate others into believing their version of events, casting you as the wrongdoer, and portraying themselves as the victim.

This strategy is used to isolate you further and manipulate social dynamics in their favor.

Golden Children – Lack of Identity

Golden children often struggle with their own identity formation as adults.

They may have spent their childhood being defined by their achievements, talents, or the roles they played within their families.

Consequently, they may have difficulty discerning their true passions, interests, and personal goals.

The pressure to fulfil others’ expectations can overshadow their own desires and lead to a sense of emptiness or a lack of purpose in adulthood.

A lot of times, the golden child will revert to what provided them with the most accolades, so they inadvertently can receive verbal awards from those around them.

Attachment Theory

Attachment refers to a relationship bond between a child or young person and their primary caregiver. The bond is formed in the early years and has a long term impact on a child’s development, growth and future relationships with others.

The fact that the Heir to the Throne was treated differently from other Royal children makes their environment very different in a number of ways. The Royal Rota constantly used the phrase about Prince William being treated differently ie “he is on a different path to Prince Harry”. William never really had to produce good results, or be amiable to people in anything other than basic go through the motions of it all,’ or achieve academically or in most tasks, because he was the Heir. He would be Heir whether or not he did those things well, so dependant on the mindset of the Heir Prince William was waiting to take over a role that he knew he would not have to work hard to remain in it. He would be King regardless of his performance or competence. No media coverage was ever written to inform the public of things not going so well on some things. The Royal Rota role is to make the members of the BRF look good, and in particular the current King and Queen Consort, and the Heir and his wife, Duchess of Cambridge. In line with historical practices, when the Heir did anything wrong or not behaving in a good way, UK Monarchy tradition would lay those bad deeds at the feet of the Spare. Royal Reporters would write articles and write books painting the Heir to the Throne generally in an average light, being careful with words to make it seem average day to day activity, but would deliberately write negative articles and books about the Spare, so Prince Harry from his days at Eton was portrayed as the regular trouble maker, and ensure that salacious headlines were put in the newspapers, and headed up chapters in various books, (to help sell the said books and newspapers) without any concern for the knock on impact over the teenage years, and taking on board all the negativity into adult life, as the RRs increased the onslaught on salacious headlines, all with the view of attracting advertiser income. Prince Harry was seen as expendable and also they were not allowed to write anything critical where the Heir and his wife, were concerned. With that kind of arrangement, the average person who lacked any morals, would do the bare minimum in terms of Royal duties, and otherwise engage in activities that interested him, knowing that there would be hell to pay if any RR dared to write publicly about any of these activities.

There are a few aspect of traditional Attachment Theory but on the whole the Heir respected no one, so it would not matter who the Nanny was at any given time. Not saying that the Heir treated them badly, but even if he did, there would be very little that would be done about it anyway. Prince Charles got involved in showing William the way things would need to be done, and did not really worry or concern himself with Harry and aspirations. On the whole it was senior Courtiers who got involved in that.

William was used to being credited for much of the work that Harry produced, and the outcomes of each project. Royal Reporters reported in articles that William had done this and that, when in fact, he would never be able to make a statement about any project, especially in terms of business outcomes. He used to enjoy telling reporters that he was better at most things than his younger brother.

I am not even sure that William was close or wanted to be close to anyone. People were there to do what he wanted of them and no more. In terms of Harry, the joint account arrangement helped to cloak William in a positive light, but in later years, when Harry and subsequently Harry and his wife Meghan had a wide range of projects on the go, each with detailed accounts showing performance measures and results for each year of operation. The Heir and his wife, had no such data, and no completed project of any kind, Everything was ongoing, with nothing tangible to show for any of the expenditure on a few, and others with no activity of any substance from the previous year. The moment when Harry and Meghan requested and was granted the wish to separate accounts of the two brothers, was the moment, I am sure, that the Heir started to become uncomfortable. Very soon, he was about to lose the cloak that he could hide under previously, and would have the spotlight very firmly shining on all of their activity over the coming years. Attachment in this sense meant attaching to useful people who could do the work for their boss, rather than be attached emotionally. The time was approaching where Prince William would likely feel very detached and isolated and I suspect a little bit nervous about how he was going to ‘pull off this ‘Kingship show’ without his footstool being there to do the heavy lifting in the future. The Wingman was about to shake the Monarchy and the Royalists to the core.

Symptoms of a narcissist’s manipulation

When a narcissist loses control is frightening. They can be physically violent, and you should prioritize your safety. Simply walk away. A useful next step is to reach out to narcissist support groups.

Common narcissist behaviours when their needs aren’t met

They might also try to distort reality to suit their needs again. Tactics include over-generalizing, blaming, catastrophizing, always being right, and many more.

Essentially, the question “How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you?” has many examples depending on the type of narcissist.

So, the covert narcissist will blame everyone else and become highly defensive. On the flip side, an overt narcissist might become exploitative, but the antagonistic one will fight.

Nevertheless, you can be assertive with a narcissist and make yourself heard. The first step is to ensure you’re not in any physical danger.

Coercive Control

Coercive Control refers to continuous patterns of behaviour that are intended to exert power or control over another person. These behaviours deprive survivors of CC of their independence and can make them feel isolated or scared. This can have a serious impact on a survivors day to day life and well being. Extract from welshcomensaid.org.uk

Extract from Laura Richards website. The Sussex Global UK podcast channel has referred to Laura’s work in a few podcasts, two of which were devoted to Laura’s work. I highly recommend her for further information. The website covers a range of areas of expertise including this topic. “ Coercive Control is a strategic pattern of behaviour designed to exploit, control, create dependency and dominate. The victims every day existence is micro managed and her (it is mainly women who are the victims in this abuse) space for action as well as potential as a human being is limited and controlled by the abuser. “

“Coercive correlates significantly to serious harm, femicide, homicide, familicide and suicide. This dangerous form of abuse relies on a range of behaviours or actions that can be very subtle and nuanced. The intention is to exploit and dominate and to ultimately deprive the victim of their most basic rights and needs. Over time the victim may lose the very essence of being, the sense of who they are, their likes and dislikes, rendering their needs and desires irrelevant – hence hostage taking and living under an enforced regime.”

“When we understand coercive control, it is really about a power imbalance, entrapment and utter domination.”

Since 2020, coercive control now has an additional area relating to the abusers. The law now includes Families and Groups as being abusers of a person in this way. There is more than one family member who in the last 9 years has been involved in coercive control activity, and their targets are known, and one target in particular has been the main focus of the UK Royal establishment. One day it will all be in the public domain.

That is the end of Part One of the series. Next weeks podcast is entitled The Royal Whipping Boy. I will be analyzing Prince Harry’s experiences, his relationship with William and the psychological implications of being labelled the troubled one. I will be using a range of academic models – two in particular throughout the podcast. These will be added to the ones I used in this weeks podcast and there will be a list of all the Academic models used in this series following on from the list of Reference Sources.

Ivy Barrow

27^th April 2025

Reference Sources for Episode One

Read More: https://www.thelist.com/1335375/inside-prince-harry-prince-william-life-prep-school/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64185317 – Media portrayal of the Heir and the Spare. In this reference it looks at the Heir.

The heir and spare You Tube documentary made in 2023.

https://www.britannica.com/topic/social-identity-theory

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_identity_theory

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/281208338_Social_Identity_Theory

https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/social-identity-theory

Separation Cycle of Abuse