The Stages of Leaving an Abusive Environment

SG – Podcast 5


I referred to this model in my previous Podcast covering Herd Mentality and whether or not we can be programmed to hate.  One of the sites I visited was the US Department of Justice.  A study on the Psychopathology of Hate Groups was shown.  A study and a report by John R Shafer MA and Joe Navarro MA. I highly recommend.  As I said recently if the FBI and the Department of Justice are using these and more models as part of their toolkit of approaches to these groups and individuals who are of concern, then where are the international legal organisations and what have they been doing about this phenomenon that is on a global increase.  The treatment of Harry and Meghan is the tip of the iceberg, but it can be so useful for research for decades.  Lets not wait for victims to stop breathing before we start to investigate and take action against perpetrators and protect and assist their targets.

Stage 1 – The Haters Gather

“Not all insecure people are haters but all haters are insecure people”

  • Hate masks insecurities

The main groups which emerged very quickly in 2016 and have grown over the last 4+ years are as follows:-

  • Royal Rota – the media voice in the tabloids for the British Royal Family.
  • Televised media – Daily chat shows with invited panel guests spent criticising the Sussexes for not conforming to patterns of behaviour of the rest of the RF for decades. Regarded as a failure in duty and therefore a traitor to the UK.  Use emotional blackmail and language by saying it is an insult to the Queen who has given decades of service to the UK etc etc.  These daily shows always use the same phrases and discuss the same topics and the same couple in their anger.  Other members of the BRF are seen as innocent bystanders who are disappointed that this couple wish to be self financing. Even a member of the family who is wanted by the FBI for credible reasons for questioning, is protected by the RF and the press, and holds all of the tax payer funded privileges, whereas the Sussexes were stripped of everything that was important.
  • Government
  • Aristocracy
  • Keyboard warriors – daily writing race and hate inciting posts on various social media platforms without challenge. Over the last 4 years or so, the number have grown, or rather it is clear that many individuals set up multiple accounts and post hateful things, to give the impression that the number of people out there is high.  The numbers are not as high as the first impression given but they are becoming dangerous, because of the ripple affect of their social media content.  A drip drip feed of race bating.

Some groups lose out by the Sussexes leaving, eg BRF and the Royal Rota.  Their mission is clear, and it is to protect the way of life that they had before Sussex independence.  Like so many of these movements that develop, they are acting from a selfish point of view.  They are not concerned about the wishes of individuals.  It is about serving the collective, for the benefit of the groups which benefit from the current system.  Anyone who attempts to change the order of things, is targeted in order to make them conform.

The Monarchy is a Cult.  Something that people are born into, and who have no say on what they wish to do with their lives.  If the individuals are high in the line of succession, they have next to no freedom of choice.  The first born is everything and can do no wrong and must be worshipped, and subsequent children are created purely to serve the first born.  The official term used is to call them “spares”.  Those children have no rights, but would have rights if they were born outside of the Monarchy.  No is allowed to leave, and great pressure is placed on anyone who shows any signs of independent thought.  This has been discussed In previous podcasts, and the history books are full of suffering of “spares” over the decades and how Royal life was like being a slave behind gilded gates.  All funded by the UK taxpayer, who seem happy to do so, in order to have their figurehead family at the helm which notionally represented stability and memories of the former British Empire.

Stage 2: The Hate Group Defines Itself

Groups formed, and were proudly declaring their views on the betrayal of their Royal family.  All setting up social media accounts on many platforms proudly announcing they would defend this British way of life.  The fact that Meghan was an American, and an actress, and a feminist, and extremely wealthy, and the largest red flag for the majority was that she was a person of colour.  Every heading represented factors that Royalists could not tolerate, and the race element just sent racists over the edge that a person of colour was occupying space that was deemed for Caucasian people only.  The fact that Meghan was wealthy in her own right, and was therefore not impressed by opulence and quality homes, because she could afford and did buy those things for herself over the years.  No other Royal bride had come into the Firm with that level of wealth and intellect, and strong feminist views.  It was a bright red flag, and the race element was the final nail.

All the various groups denied it was racism from the start.  All these years later, those same groups have told on themselves so many times now, they have become a laughing stock on the global stage.  A dangerous set of individuals, who have been allowed to conduct themselves in such an extreme way, and hide behind freedom of speech rhetoric, without acknowledging the harm to health and deaths along the way.  This current set of groups are merely following in the practices over the course of history, of removing or stopping freedom from the Monarchy, and like those before, many of these groups are destroying themselves in their haste to destroy those who wish to leave.

Those pressures are now being seen within some of those groups themselves.  They are turning on each other.

Stage 3: The Hate Group Disparages the Target

  • Hate is the glue that binds the haters to each other and to a common cause.
  • By verbally debasing the object of their hate, haters enhance their self esteem as well as their group status.
  • After verbal denigration, haters progress to the more acrimonious stage.

The publications produced since 2016 have grown steadily worse in their content.  Dangerous material to say the least.  We are well past the point where International Legal Bodies need to step in now.  Looking at international intervention, many of the countries that attract interest, contain people of colour, and also have limited financial means.  Poverty is a key element.

My thoughts on this are that abusive behaviour is not confined to people living in poverty.  Abusers comprise of many societal income stratas.  It is a huge error to ignore reports of abuse emanating from a place of opulence and privilege.  There is an idea that wealthy people can afford legal assistance so other people and nations are a priority.  If this was not the case, why are the cases that I found in my research, where the international legal community chose to become involved, involved countries that were deeply affected by poverty.  I have no issue with these communities receiving intervention by human rights organisations, but I am saying that adults and children have suffered, and continue to suffer in places of wealth, and decades later a report is produced about the suffering.  It is a bit late for those victims, and how many reports do we all need to see, before someone grasps the nettle and gets involved when they hear of possible abuse going on in places now.  Who speaks for the victims.  Why are abusers ignored because they are wealthy, and are friendly with other wealthy individuals? Who speaks up for the children who are deliberately brought into the world to serve others, and be foot soldiers for an institution, and told that they are not allowed to shine brighter than their older siblings.  Told that they can never leave, and that they are there as a duty and to conform to rules that they never had any say in, as well as no say that they were born into a particular family in the first place.  Children outside of the Royal bubble would have Child Protection agencies on the doorsteps of working class homes, yet the establishment families are left alone.  It is beyond wrong, and it begs the question as to the role and terms of reference for international legal entities.

Stage 4: The Hate Group Taunts the Target

  • To avoid introspection, haters increase the rhetoric and violence, to maintain high levels of agitation. Taunts and offensive gestures serve the purpose. The daily drip drip effect of propaganda stories in the media, which then get fed around the world, add to the stress of the abused victims 24/7.  It led to suicidal ideation for Meghan whilst she was pregnant with their son, and no one can tell me that is acceptable, just because you have funds.
  • An average of 100 articles a day written about Harry and Meghan , none of it positive. The comment sections of these newspapers are full of hate, based on this daily feeding of the beast of hate.  People have taken their own lives as a result of the UK tabloid press, and we should never forget the part UK media played in the abuse of Princess Diana and her eventual death in 1997.  The same thing is happening again with Meghan.
  • Receipts exist of books written by media personnel over decades, actually describe their plan of actions, agreed by the British Monarchy, on how they would persuade and encourage positivity about certain members of the family via their publications, and they would equally use propaganda tactics to create the complete opposite for those deemed to be not abiding by the ethos and rules of the Cult.

Stage 5: The Hate Group Attacks the Target with Weapons

  • This stage is critical. Differentiates the vocally abusive to physically aggressive .  eg prowling the turf.
  • Adrenalin increases – leads to provoking anger
  • Thoughts and actions leads to increased adrenalin.
  • Anger builds on anger.
    • All done by inciting hatred and negative behaviour in the general population, to create an atmosphere of danger. Individuals have appeared here in the UK and abroad, with dangerous intentions towards the couple.
    • The cruelty during the first pregnancy for the Sussexes was shameful, and the reporting following the news of the miscarriage last year will forever be a stain on the UK and what it has become.

Stage 6: The Hate Group Utilises Weapons

No reason to give details here on this podcast or article.  Everyone knows what that means.

Stage 7: The Hate Groups Destroys Target

  • The ultimate goal is to destroy the object of their hate
  • Mastery over life and death – gives the hater a sense of self worth and values. Qualities which haters lack.
  • The reality is that hate physically and psychologically destroys the Hater and the Hated.

Harry has spoken in the recent documentary, The Me You Cant See, how the ultimate goal is to destroy Meghan, just like the media did with Princess Diana, on the request of the Royal Family.  Even now, members of the media, openly say that they want Harry to return to the UK and be with his “family”, and there is never a request for Meghan and the children to return with him.  This strange and evil notion, if Harry was to lose his wife and children, through death or divorce, he would somehow, forget all the abuse delivered and contracted to be carried out by others, and return to be the Whipping Boy of the BRF.  It is beyond offensive.

These are my perceptions of how certain groups have been given permission (direct or implied) to operate outside of established procedures in the pursuit of the two people who are now treated like modern day runaway slaves.

UK Monarchy and its partners in the media are acting like an ex partner who cannot believe their other half has left, and in doing so, is publicly using abusive methods to gain sympathy for those with limited clarity on what is happening in front of them.

Children who are born first are considered valuable; others are born to support the first born.  Children who are not allowed independent thought.  Children who are not allowed to fulfil their potential, and who must at all times devalue themselves in order to make the first born look good.  In any other walk of life, treatment of children along those lines would be considered anything but positive, and on several fronts, is a breach of human rights.

What Are Human Rights?

  • What are Human Rights?
    • Human Rights are standards that allow all people to live with dignity, freedom, equality, justice and
    • Guaranteed to everyone without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.
    • Human Rights are part of international law, contained in treaties and declarations that spell out specific rights that countries are required to uphold. Some countries incorporate human rights in their own national state and local laws.

My question is why this International piece of legislation, which is in force with some amendments to ensure that it suits the UK legal framework, does not appear to be applied to the Sussexes?  Whether it should come into play as Prince Harry is a UK citizen, or whether it is applicable in the USA as this is now the home of the Sussexes?   I am merely inquisitive as to why UK media are using the same piece of legislation in different ways for 2 members of the Royal Family. i.e. one is allowed to use it to stop articles and discussions about his private life, but the other is chased and written about daily with no regard to the law in existence.  Regardless of titles, Prince Harry and his family are no less deserving of protection under the law than anyone else.

The podcast is an overview of the current vacuum of activity on the international stage, and human rights violations exist in all layers of financial and economic groups.  It is a failure of the current system that five years later a family of four still have no peace, but at least they have managed to move away, and finance a huge security initiative, due to the risks that one member of that family was born into, and the huge increase in risks to the Sussexes health and safety, and as a direct result that they wished to leave the UK for their mental health, and to pay their own way in life.  Instead of being praised for their bravery to walk away from a way of life, and to start again on another continent should be admired and praised.  It is an indictment that their lives are still in danger, and that of their children, not least because the BRF removed their security last year, as a punishment for them wanting to move away from the abuse.  Abuse created by the Monarchy and its arrangement with the tabloid media.

It is well overdue for various agencies on Human Rights, in tandem with United Nations groups, to step in now and stop this continued abuse, which is being ignored because it started behind gilded gates, and now continues daily towards a USA family with the aim to destroy the mother and her children, and for the Prince to return to the slave plantation in an opulent setting, and just accept that the powers that be do not care, because they live in opulent surroundings.  Many of the Caucasian people of the UK don’t care either because they have bigger problems to deal with, like how they put food on the table – yet despite all that, as long as the Royal family remain white, they have no real issue of a person of colour being treated badly and have no sympathy for Harry because he dared to marry outside the white gene pool where he was supposed to shop.  They will happily continue to live in financial difficulties, as long as the UK emblem family stays white  It seems to give some kind of comfort and memories of the Empire.

I ask USA President Biden and his team to think seriously about what is happening to USA family on USA soil.  A five year campaign of hatred which shows no signs of abating without loss of life somewhere. The events of the 6th January on the Capitol building gives you an idea of the similar forces being played out in the UK.  Leaving the EU is part of this belief system. Harry and Meghan and their children, are entitled to be protected under the law like everyone else. What is happening is not right.  This couple have a history of community engagement, and philanthropy.  Archewell is already in its first year of operation working on so many global projects.  I would like to see the international legal community give them reasonable safety and protection under the law as a recognition of this growing problem around the world.  Hate groups are forming without challenge.  This cannot continue.  Please assist in this matter in any way that you can, quickly, before loss of or destruction of lives.


I have used the 7 Stage of Grief Model by Kubler Ross, in previous podcasts and articles, to use as a framework for the way the Royal Family and the Royal Rota reacted to Meghan and Harry announcing that they would be stepping back from Royal duties and become self financing.  I also put together a table mapping activity against each of the 7 stages.  In view of the subject matter of the accompanying podcast, I thought you may wish to look at that too.  I have included it in the reference material at the end of this article.

I hope I have not put too much here.  Feel free to dip in and out of it in the future, if you think any of it may be of use.  Feel free to ask me questions, and I will do my best to answer.

Ivy Barrow


Here is the full text of the Amanda Gorman’s poem so beautifully delivered at the Presidential Inauguration for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as VP. I read a small extract from it at the end of Episode 5 in the podcast series.

When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never-ending shade?

The loss we carry. A sea we must wade.

We braved the belly of the beast.

We’ve learned that quiet isn’t always peace, and the norms and notions of what “just” is isn’t always justice.

And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it.

Somehow we do it.

Somehow we weathered and witnessed a nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished.

We, the successors of a country and a time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president, only to find herself reciting for one.

And, yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn’t mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect.

We are striving to forge our union with purpose.

To compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and conditions of man.

And so we lift our gaze, not to what stands between us, but what stands before us.

We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside.

We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another.

We seek harm to none and harmony for all.

Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true.

That even as we grieved, we grew.

That even as we hurt, we hoped.

That even as we tired, we tried.

That we’ll forever be tied together, victorious.

Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.

Scripture tells us to envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid.

If we’re to live up to our own time, then victory won’t lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we’ve made.

That is the promise to glade, the hill we climb, if only we dare.

It’s because being American is more than a pride we inherit.

It’s the past we step into and how we repair it.

We’ve seen a force that would shatter our nation, rather than share it.

Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.

And this effort very nearly succeeded.

But while democracy can be periodically delayed, it can never be permanently defeated.

In this truth, in this faith we trust, for while we have our eyes on the future, history has its eyes on us.

This is the era of just redemption.

We feared at its inception.

We did not feel prepared to be the heirs of such a terrifying hour.

But within it we found the power to author a new chapter, to offer hope and laughter to ourselves.

So, while once we asked, how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe, now we assert, how could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?

We will not march back to what was, but move to what shall be: a country that is bruised but whole, benevolent but bold, fierce and free.

We will not be turned around or interrupted by intimidation because we know our inaction and inertia will be the inheritance of the next generation, become the future.

Our blunders become their burdens.

But one thing is certain.

If we merge mercy with might, and might with right, then love becomes our legacy and change our children’s birthright.

So let us leave behind a country better than the one we were left.

Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest, we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one.

We will rise from the golden hills of the West.

We will rise from the windswept Northeast where our forefathers first realized revolution.

We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the Midwestern states.

We will rise from the sun-baked South.

We will rebuild, reconcile, and recover.

And every known nook of our nation and every corner called our country, our people diverse and beautiful, will emerge battered and beautiful.

When day comes, we step out of the shade of flame and unafraid.

The new dawn balloons as we free it.

For there is always light, if only we’re brave enough to see it.

If only we’re brave enough to be it.


References for sites I visited and/or reports/research being carried out.,States%20of%20America