Never Dim Your Light For the Sake of Others

Episode 127


Sometimes when we are in our joy, creativity or passion, it can spark an unexpected reaction in other people. We feel that what we are expressing is good and positive (which it is) yet another person may react as though we have done something wrong or may even be a little hostile for no obvious reason.

All Sussex supporters who were around in the Royal Arena from 2016, will never forget the treatment of Meghan by members of the institution, their friends in media and government and key people in strategic positions who all did the bidding of this powerful family.  All once an invisible arrangement but those of us who have ancestral information of similar treatment, and its modern day versions in recent centuries, we recognise abuse when we see it. All of those in the establishment know it too, but most of them cannot even admit to themselves never mind to anyone else.  It is clear that those who like to ‘clean up the aisle’ for the Slave Owners of the Plantation behind gilded gates, do so because they all have a vested interest in the Monarchy continuing – not least because it enables them to continue with their current lifestyle.  The lifestyle may enable them to access corridors of power that they would otherwise do, or it ensures that they will always be employed somewhere. An army of industries have been formed and evolved over many years, to the point it pays to pick the side that puts food on your table.

Equally, many of those people who believed that they were important to the Royal family were clearly on the lowest rung of the societal ladder, and it was only a matter of time when they would become collateral or fodder for those who were baying for blood.  It seems that they were the last ones to realise that if you bully and abuse the most profitable attraction and income generator from within that Royal space, at some point the truth that all Royalists like to ignore is that those in the left behind club, do not carry anywhere near the same weight of popularity or value.  One by one they are beginning to realise that being born first, or high in the Line of Succession does not mean that you are liked, or more importantly, definitely does not mean that any of them are competent.  It was an absolute certainty that the Royal Family would become shambolic when left to their own devices post Queen Elizabeth 2. A description I have used in many publications is that they are like crabs in a bucket, but at the same time, there is still this deep seated belief that they can pull strings, use their ‘job’ titles (in inverted commas) and that no action will be taken against them, because they are above the law.

It is apparent to sensible people that the resources and effort put into the Hate for Hire business model, would come back to the hosts to serve a dose of reality.  Karma never misses, and with the help of a medical facts, if you live by hating others every moment of your existence, there comes a time when that hate eats away from the inside, and soon those in proximity to these evil people, start to see them looking worse for wear, and cant understand why, particularly when age is not one of the causes.  The rest of us, know that the hatred eventually always eats its hosts.  The Lord of the Flies existence that they have been living, is coming home to roost.  The boomerangs of hate and jealousy and envy are all returning to the host, and internally, the hate bile is doing its own damage and ultimately the tell tale signs start to show on the outside of the body.

All the guilty ones who made life uncomfortable for Harry and Meghan whilst they were in the UK, and for the last 4 years abuse in a different form (Coercive Control) has been applied daily in its many forms whilst they live on another continent, some of you need to brush up on International Law. All of you publicly and away from public means, told Meghan to dim her light, stay out of view inside Frogmore Cottage and let the seniors of the family who are high in the Line of Succession stand in the spotlight.  The Sussexes were told in a variety of public settings and applications that it was against protocol to shine brighter than the Monarch and the Heir. It was a protocol like all the others directed at Harry and Meghan, that never applied to anyone else in the family.  It only applied to the only person of colour who joined that family and her husband who loved her dearly.

The abuse and the control is well documented and one day will be discussed in many areas of research and learning and on international stages.  The aim was to break one or both, and to become compliable.  That was never going to happen, and if all those who thought it would happen, had paid attention to the jewel in the Royal crown that they had in their midst, they would have behaved better.  Instead, that golden couple removed themselves from toxicity and set about earning their own money, and cut the cord of taxpayer funding.  Far from becoming destitute, the Sussexes are well respected by people that matter, and are building a fabulous legacy for their children.   The family is affluent and their business projects are thriving.

The Jealousy and Envy and bitterness is evident for all the world to see. It does not paint any of the Monarchy and their flunkies in the media in a good light.  Let us briefly look at what was going and still is going on in the minds of those eaten up with with these emotions about two people who chose to walk away from abuse, and to become independently financed for the rest of their days.  Left all those with fragile egos to stand in the spotlight they craved and to do whatever they want to do in that glare, and see how it works out or not.  Meanwhile Harry and Meghan have a growing portfolio of projects doing extremely well, and they all follow a business framework, as opposed to random thoughts that enter into the plan of make believe  activity just to fill a few newspaper pages, and then to keep spinning it for years about the progress of said initiatives.

Let us move out of the skull island atmosphere, and step into the light with fellow competent and successful people with their self made earning. You will notice that there is a growing army of people who have benefited from philanthropic endeavours, and now they are all helping others in one way or another. No one in the Sussex camp or their global support network is going to dim their lights for anyone.  We are going to shine brighter with each passing day.  That is the natural order of things.  When things don’t go as planned, we all regroup, examine and plan the way to build on lessons learned and we go on to bigger and better things.  We are doing really great and we are shining like beacons around the globe.

Let us look at the reasons that lie behind the bitterness and the obvious Envy and Jealousy running around the space where the brain should be functioning. We will also ensure that we give you tools to help those who may be experiencing such behaviour from others, and give you tips on how you can respond.

 Jealousy and Envy

These thoughts and results emanate from research studies and findings.  All sources are listed below.

It can be hard not to feel deflated or squashed by this and, as sensitive souls, we may contract and withdraw and stop shining our light. However, once you understand why this happens, there is no need to feel this way. What has usually happened is that you have expressed yourself in a way that the other person is not comfortable with themselves. For example, if a person is uncomfortable with feeling sadness and crying, they will probably try to stop you crying if you do so rather than just sit quietly and be with your sadness. It can feel very uncomfortable (and sometimes scary) to witness another person expressing an emotion that we cannot. This can happen with many emotions; anger, joy, sadness, sensuality, vulnerability, playfulness. We all have these tender spots.

So, firstly, understand that it is not about you, it is about their programming which has probably come from an unhappy or traumatic experience in their past. If they are being hostile or harmful, of course, it makes sense to remove yourself from the line of fire but YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. Do not dim your light, especially as the next person that you meet may well feel liberated and inspired by it. And remember the Dolphin Motto: “Shine your light and take care of yourself while being good to others.”

Summer Connor  published Sep 1sr 2014

Dimming Your Light? – I Think Not.

In the link below is a very interesting article written by Vese Aghoghovbia in on April 3rd 2017.  This is just a short extract.  Full text in the reference sources list below.

“We’ve realised that we can confidently speak about ourselves, our beliefs, our accomplishments and our purpose — and it is okay! Quite frankly we’ve learnt that you need to, especially at work, in business or other performance related environments. Be it in the work place, at home, with family and loved ones, there is usually a place for letting people know what you do, who you are and what you are about for various reasons:

1) You rob others of the benefits of knowing your story when you don’t

2) Your story, journey or accomplishments can bring encouragement to others

3) Your skills may be just what the next person needs — your gift(s) will make room for you, how else can it if people do not know what you are able to offer

4) You learn from others. If people know what you are and what you do, they can help you by sending useful information, articles, or opportunities

5) It builds you up, impacts your growth and development

6) You lose out on gaining a sponsor, mentor champion, supporter, potential business partner or client

Many times we hear talks about not needing to dim other people’s light to cause yours to shine brighter. We never realise the reverse could be the case.

Never feel the need to dim your light to make others shine. Your shine does not stop others from shinning, it only adds to how brightly our collective lights shine. Be confident in who you are and what you have become and still becoming. It is part of your beautiful story and the best stories are the ones shared with others.

Remember, it is okay to shine! There is so much room for everyone. It is no fun shinning alone and even worse not shinning at all.

“You are the light of the world — like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”

Hate, Jealousy and Low Self Esteem

Andrea M. Darcy notes that “if you are constantly jealous in relationships, the roots of jealousy will lie in how you feel about yourself. This means that jealousy can particularly be a problem if we suffer low self-esteem.”

Low self-esteem can lead to feelings of inadequacy and the belief that others are more desirable or successful than you.

This self-doubt and suspicion can fuel feelings of jealousy when you perceive others as a threat.

For example, if someone doesn’t feel deserving of love and affection, they may be constantly worried that their partner will find someone better.

Common characteristics of people with low self-esteem include:

  • Engaging in negative self talk
  • Second-guessing their decisions and actions
  • Doubting their abilities and feeling unsure of themselves
  • Avoiding social situations
  • Struggling to initiate and maintain relationships
  • Believing they are not deserving of love or attention
  • Being highly sensitive to criticism
  • Being jealous of their partner’s success or accomplishments
  • Seeking external validation

Self Hatred

Self-hatred encompasses continual feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and low self-esteem. People may constantly compare themselves to others, perceive only the negative and ignore the positive, and believe that they will never be “good enough.” But every single person has worth and value—and the ability to cultivate self-love.

What Causes Self-Hatred?

Feelings of self-loathing are deeply painful, but exploring those emotions is the first step toward healing. If you’re struggling with hateful thoughts, reflect on what sparked them. Did you make a mistake at work? Did a recent dinner with a friend lead you to feel envious? Identifying these triggers can allow you to diffuse them the next time they arise.

Beyond immediate triggers, the roots of self-hatred can often be traced to environmental circumstances such as hypercritical parenting, or personality traits such as perfectionism. Once feelings of worthlessness take hold, they can be difficult to release; the stories that form around early experiences can become deeply entrenched. But there are still many ways for people to confront self-criticism and develop a strong sense of self.

Why do I hate myself?

The pain of self-hatred can be due to different reasons: Abusive parenting or childhood trauma can prevent the development of self-esteem. Perfectionism can lead people to believe that they’ll never be good enough and dissatisfaction with a particular trait, such as intelligence or appearance, can lead to doubt and inadequacy. A grave error, such as a betrayal or crime, can also fuel self-loathing.

I hate myself. What does that mean?

People who hate themselves assign disproportionate weight to their faults and overlook their strengths. This can be fueled by a time in which they developed a harmful narrative about themselves. That can be difficult to invalidate, but treating others with kindness—which will hopefully lead to treating oneself with kindness—is one place to start.

Do other people hate me as much as I hate myself?

I hate my life. What should I do?

How to Develop Self-Worth

Cultivating self-esteem is the antidote to self-loathing. Learning how to silence one’s inner critic can limit the negative thoughts that come to mind and the comparisons made to others.

Practicing self-compassion and learning how to forgive others and oneself for past mistakes, whether serious or trivial, are key approaches as well.

Seeking support from a loved one or mental health professional is also an important part of the process.

How do I stop hating myself?

People may condemn themselves to years of self-loathing, especially after committing a terrible act. Self-forgiveness offers a path to release that burden. This process can begin by forgiving others and progress to recognizing that you, too, are more than your behavior and that you can learn to love yourself.

How do I build self-esteem?

You need to become aware of a problem to change it, so begin by noticing critical self-talk and challenge those thoughts. Explore the narrative you have about yourself and why it might be flawed. Avoiding comparing yourself to others and practicing forgiveness can also help cultivate self-esteem.

Is jealousy a sign of insecurity?

Jealousy can be a sign of insecurity. Jealousy is a fear of losing something you already have, like a relationship or friendship.

People who deal with jealousy may often feel threatened by other people. You may also feel that you are in competition with others, even if you’re not.

Jealousy can stem from feelings of insecurity, especially if you have an insecure attachment style. One 2017 study found that attachment styles and jealousy are closely related.

According to this same study, insecurity and jealousy may also be associated with:

While jealousy can be a sign of insecurity, this isn’t always the case. A variety of situations can also cause insecurity. For example, criticism can lead to feelings of insecurity or inadequacy for some people.

Common signs of insecurity can include:

  • feelings of inadequacy
  • jealousy
  • uncertainty
  • anxiety within relationships
  • low self-esteem
  • feeling unworthy
  • lack of confidence
  • striving for perfection

Why feeling insecure might lead to jealousy

If you don’t feel confident in yourself or your relationships, this can lead to jealousy. People with insecure or anxious attachment styles may also experience jealousy in their relationships.

For example, you might view other people as a threat to your relationship, or worry excessively about your partner’s feelings for you.

Insecurity can also come from lack of communication or constant criticism from your partner in a relationship.

Jealousy vs. envy

Usually, jealousy relates to people, while envy is often about things. Jealousy can be perceiving another person as a threat to you or your relationships. With envy, a person might wish they had something someone else has.

For example, you could become jealous if your mother confides in your sister instead of you, but you might become envious that your best friend has a nicer house than you.

Jealousy and envy can both become destructive if you don’t deal with the root of where they come from.


There are two basic types of envy or jealousy. One is being unhappy with another’s success, whether it is a friend or competitor. The other is silently rejoicing when someone you are envious of suffers a loss. The term for this second scenario is “schadenfreude.” (1) Both elicit feelings of guilt because we know we shouldn’t feel this way. But when you try not to feel a certain way, it becomes worse. It’s even more problematic if you feel the person you have envied didn’t originally deserve his or her success.

In light of the current neuroscience research, we now understand the impact of sustained frustration on your body’s chemistry and the resulting physical symptoms. Solzhenitsyn succinctly points out that good health is the essence of living a good life. Yet, when we spend our energies comparing ourselves to others, we are frequently frustrated. This chronic anger with the attendant elevated levels of stress hormones wreaks havoc with every organ in your body and you’ll eventually get sick.

Jealousy and pain

I’ve had as much of a challenge with self-esteem and jealousy as anyone. I came from a tough household and it seemed as if everyone had a life that I wanted. I was envious of friends, accomplishments, adventures, families, and the list went on. What is now obvious in retrospect was that my mother was insanely jealous and our family’s situation was never good enough. She would become unhappy to the point that our whole family would move to another town to start over. The cycle would begin again and she would complain about anything and everything. By the time I was 18 years old, we had lived in 11 different houses. After I refused to move from my high school area in Napa Valley, they kept on moving. It’s clear where I learned this pattern of behavior.

When I ended up in chronic pain, it all became much more intense. It seemed everyone had something I wanted. The first thing I was envious of was not being in pain. Then it seemed that everyone had a better family life than I did. I became more and more socially isolated and I withdrew even more. Although I wanted to re-engage with friends, my fear of rejection became almost a phobia. Holidays were particularly unpleasant. It seemed like every person in the world was having a better time than I was. Of all the terrible experiences I endured, the loneliness was crushing. It is one of the reasons I have described the world of chronic pain as, “The Abyss.”


Additionally, anger is destructive, including self-destructive. One of the ways this plays out is disregarding your own health. All of us have a choice of how we choose to treat our bodies. Chronic frustration is possibly the main reason why you wouldn’t choose to feel physically great. It’s hard to really enjoy life if you don’t feel vigorous and energized. Ongoing self-neglect is a form of slow suicide. You’re angry and take it out on yourself. We all have some degree of self-destructive behavior and many of us have a lot. So, the emotions that you might be feeling from another’s success are sucking you dry. You now have less of a chance of “being successful” whatever that might mean. Jealousy and frustration aren’t solving much.

Source: Ivelin Radkov/AdobeStock

Moving forward

I have undergone many phases of healing. However, I have never forgotten the intensity of the loneliness and envy. It was the accidental discovery of the expressive writing exercises that halted the downward descent and it is still the one necessary starting point of the healing process.

One exercise I frequently discussed with my patients is similar to the one I presented above. I asked them to visualize someone they strongly disliked. They had usually worked with me long enough to quickly understand where I was going. I pointed out that they knew being judgmental was problematic and then I asked them what happens when they try to not be judgmental. Of course, you will become more judgmental with the paradoxical nature of thought suppression. So, whether you are judgmental or not judgmental, your nervous system remains fired up.

What can you do? One option is writing down your specific thoughts and immediately destroying them. You are not getting rid of them but rather separating from your thoughts, not to solve or change them. You may not become friends with this person or even like them. But in that “space” you’ve created, possibilities arise. Once you can see your judgements as a projection of you, you may be able see this person in a different light. At a minimum, it certainly makes life more interesting.

Jealousy and Envy

Envy is wanting what someone else has. You might see a neighbor with a new car or a coworker get a new job and desire the same. You might feel a sense of resentment toward the individual for attaining something you want but have yet to achieve.

Jealousy is more about holding onto something you already have. You might experience jealousy in a relationship when you perceive a threat or worry that the relationship is changing in a negative way.

While these emotions are easy to define and often easy to recognize, they can be difficult to control. 


Harry and Meghan Shine Your Light and Let it Shine Brightly.

“To shine your brightest light is to be who you truly are.”  Roy T Bennett

Archewell Programs:-


Click on the image below to open up full screen video footage.  No sound.

Supporting families, in a purpose-driven movement for change to safeguard against online harms.

  • From ongoing conversations speaking with parents around the world, it is clear that social media and time online are affecting the mental health of teens and children everywhere. In response, The Archewell Foundation has created a first of its kind support network for parents whose children and families have been impacted by online, social media harm. This community is a place for parents to convene, to heal, and to help prevent future loss and harm from occurring to other families around the world by sharing their stories. It brings the concerns, lived experiences, and solutions to the forefront of public consciousness.
  • Through our partnership with parents, we are building an empowered, informed, and connected global community of families who support and uplift one another, while becoming a platform and catalyst to affect change towards a safer online world.


Click on the image below to see short video clip.  Click a couple (or so) times to see the video in full screen.

Addressing the social isolation recently resettled women experience around the world and building more inclusive and connected communities.

With a belief in the power of connection and a goal of uplifting communities, The Welcome Project supports the creation of programming for women who have recently resettled from Afghanistan. There are currently 11 active Welcome Projects across the U.S. designed to foster a sense of belonging through activities including sewing, art, hiking, swimming, photography, storytelling, and cooking.

By facilitating women-based programming, The Welcome Project also brings access to critical resources and opportunities that not only supports the women participating in The Welcome Project, but also improves the lives of those around them – their families and their communities.


Supporting and uplifting unsung visionaries working to expand equity in the online world.

2022 Winner: The inaugural award was given to Safiya Noble for her leadership and innovation in her approach to creating a digital ecosystem that contributes to a more inclusive and equitable society. Safiya is currently the Director of the Center on Race & Digital Justice and Co-Director of the Minderoo Initiative on Tech & Power at the UCLA Center for Critical Internet Inquiry (C2i2).

2023 Winner: In 2023, this award was given to Nabiha Syed, Chief Executive Officer of The Markup, a nonprofit newsroom that investigates how powerful institutions use technology to change our society. Their data-driven approach has produced reporting on topics including hidden racial bias in mortgage approval algorithms, the security of health information for vulnerable populations, and inequities in internet access.


All 26 organisation who received an award from this fund in August 2023, was featured on the SGUK channel from Sept to November – each week two organisations in detail.  You can visit the Archewell Foundation website for details, and the series of video podcasts last Autumn and with the added comments shown for each one.  Very impressive leaders of the future in that contingent.

BUILDING A BETTER ONLINE WORLD Responsible Tech Youth Power Fund Supporting the next generation of leaders pioneering innovation in technology and advocacy to make our online world more inclusive, safe, and accountable for all.

The Archewell Foundation is a founding member of The Responsible Technology Youth Power Fund which has awarded $2 million to a cohort of 26 organizations focused on building a safer, more inclusive online world. These young leaders are pioneering innovation in technology and stewarding a tech ecosystem which safeguards human rights. The projects include innovative solutions to issues that affect us all, including improving education access, the responsible use of artificial intelligence, and promoting the safety and well-being of online communities.


BUILDING A BETTER ONLINE WORLD Insight Sessions Prioritizing real-world perspectives from young people and parents as we navigate the complexity of technology’s role in society and strive to create a better online world.

The Archewell Foundation regularly conducts intimate discussions with young people and parents to hear their perspectives about social media and the digital future, fostering connections and discussing pathways for change. In October 2023, The Archewell Foundation released the first edition of its Insight Report, based on 15 months of insight sessions. The report analyses the complex role and risks of technology in society, emphasizing concerns about online safety for kids, the importance of considering diverse online experiences, and a collective call for more research, accountability, and transparency to support a safer online environment.


RESTORING TRUST IN INFORMATION Future of Media Responding to a rapid rise in misinformation and disinformation to create a better, more trustworthy information environment.

The Archewell Foundation regularly conducts intimate discussions with young people and parents to hear their perspectives about social media and the digital future, fostering connections and discussing pathways for change. In October 2023, The Archewell Foundation released the first edition of its Insight Report, based on 15 months of insight sessions. The report analyses the complex role and risks of technology in society, emphasizing concerns about online safety for kids, the importance of considering diverse online experiences, and a collective call for more research, accountability, and transparency to support a safer online environment.

RESTORING TRUST IN INFORMATION Future of Media Responding to a rapid rise in misinformation and disinformation to create a better, more trustworthy information environment.

The Archewell Foundation is committed to uplifting communities – geographic and demographic – by strengthening reliable and ethical journalism, supporting solutions which help to ensure all citizens are informed and engaged in their everyday lives. To that end, AWF has invested in and uplifted community-based news outlets and organizations that play a pivotal role in enhancing the online experience for everyone including The 19th, Civic News Company, Sustainable Media Center, and URL Media.

We have also joined Press Forward, a five-year initiative dedicated to rectifying longstanding inequities in journalism. Through these collective efforts, The Archewell Foundation is steadfast in its mission to shape the future of media, ensuring a world where reliable information prevails, misinformation is challenged, and the public is empowered with the knowledge needed for a more informed and connected society.

Additionally, as part of The Archewell Foundation’s efforts to enhance our information ecosystem and comprehend the intricate interplay between information, media, and broader societal trends, we funded two independent research projects to investigate the impact of news and social media on public discourse. In Australia, Purpose’s report, “Online Hate Speech in Australia” explores the role of news media in fueling hate speech against marginalized communities. The Foundation also supported Demos’ “Drivers of Digital Discourse” project which delves into the interconnectedness between social media, influencers, and news media, aiming to promote healthier democratic discourse and fundamental rights. Together, these studies contribute to a better understanding of online hate and accountability for those amplifying it.


UPLIFTING COMMUNITIES Support for Moms Supporting mothers – and women preparing for motherhood – who are in need of trauma-informed care and vital resources for their families.

Through a mutual belief in the power of supporting women to uplift communities, The Archewell Foundation and Harvest Home have come together to provide support and essentials to expectant mothers who have faced tremendous challenges including domestic violence, substance use, and homelessness. Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex and the Archewell team came together to create a baby boutique for Harvest Home that offers clothing, baby essentials, and care products. This ongoing partnership continues to provide vital resources to families who need them most.

We will close off this weeks podcast with 3 short video clips relating to three of the Programs mentioned earlier, and then we will close out with the usual credits to 2 tracks this time.  Hope you have all enjoyed updates on Archewell successes.  Lets all shine our lights brightly.  We are beacons around the globe


Mental Health Response

Caring for the mental health of those impacted around the globe in the immediate aftermath of disasters.

When disasters strike around the globe, Humanity Crew mobilizes quickly to deploy mental health professionals who are trained to intervene and provide trauma-informed care and support for all individuals. This vital resource ensures that psychological support is not forgotten in the wake of tragedy.

Together with The Archewell Foundation’s support, Humanity Crew has provided over 3,176 hours of trauma-informed mental health support to survivors of tragedies around the world.

Empowerment for Girls

Ensuring that the health of girls around the world is cared for and that they have the essentials needed to thrive.

The Archewell Foundation recently backed girls’ education and health in Nigeria, collaborating with The GEANCO Foundation to send school supplies and menstrual products to students. Through our partnership, AWF has supported menstrual health education for 2,500 girls in the region, addressing critical needs and contributing to long-term, sustainable solutions in their lives.

A Play Space in Uvalde

Coming together to find hope and offer support and compassion for a community struggling in the wake of tragedy.

The Archewell Foundation, in collaboration with KABOOM!, supported the creation of a playground in Uvalde, Texas, as a symbol of hope and healing for the community after the tragic shooting at Robb Elementary School in 2022. The park was designed by the children in the community, and it also includes a memorial scavenger hunt to honor the lives that were lost.

KABOOM! focuses on building playgrounds in underserved neighborhoods, and their work deeply aligns with AWF’s commitment to fostering joy and resilience through community.


Thats the end of this podcast but so much more for you to explore in the reference source links below, and even more interesting facts about the fabulous work and projects of the Archewell Foundation.  Harry and Meghan please continue to shine your light, and in fact, your glow up is just beginning. We are with you all the way.

Click on this video clip and see a couple of photos put to a piece of music that i have a licence to use on in my video podcasts and articles.  It is less than two minutes duration.  I kept it short.  It relates to the title of this podcast.


Ivy Barrow

14 April 2024


Reference Sources