SGUK Episode 77: Part One – Spare
First of all, in order to get the podcast underway, I want to stress the point here, that this is not your usual style of book review. This podcast and article is written from a readers perspective – not a professional reader, but a reader who is vested in the subject matter. I made notes of points that jumped out of the pages for me, and as a standalone set of information, there was much that could have been written about the story that was untold, running in the background of the main points listed in the book itself.
Whilst I have included a few quotations from all 3 Divisions of the book, I have devoted the 2nd part of this podcast to Section 2 – Bloody But Unbowed, which will air next Sunday on 22nd January 2023.
The same approach and methodology will be used, but found from my Notes that this area of the book merited its own podcast.
Sections 1 will be dealt with in depth here, and elements of Section 2&3 will be included, and the links between all 3 will be explored. The Conclusion will bring together a series of observations that will link to research and elements of the Law, as well as the implications for UK Monarchy moving forward, and my views of the future of the Monarchy, based on the main players who the system has automatically lined up to carry on with this concept, and the evidence of the views of the UK population and the views expressed over decades differentiated by age group, and societal hierarchical structured economic groups in the UK.
Section 2 will be covered on 22nd January with elements from 1 and 3 included and the final part of the trilogy will focus on Section 3, with referrals to sections 1&2, and the Conclusion in the final part of the trilogy, will cross reference with the childhood trauma categories I will list shortly, and show a profile of Harry the man post Royal Life, and embracing Philanthropic endeavours, whilst navigating a series of boundary setting, in relation to the people and lifestyle where he knew nothing else. Over time, a new person will emerge from the chrysalis of Royal convention and protocol. A person who was stunted in growth by the parameters placed around him previously, and who is now seeing the world with new eyes. That man was always there, but no one knew about him, including Harry himself. One wonders how many others were in a similar position and who became casualties of the Firm always having to take precedent. The history books are littered with examples of Spares who were shackled in mind and body. We will close this 3 part series on 29th January 2023 looking in greater detail of the those who never tried to escape and just accepted their fate, and those who tried and failed, and then Harry who is the prototype of success. We will take a brief look at the industry that has developed over the 1000 years of UK Monarchy, to ensure that the prime aim of the BRF is to survive, and any discomfort or loss of life along the way is deemed a casualty of the unavoidable prime objective. People in various walks of life devote their careers to keep the Flag flying, and in a warped kind of way, their salaries depend on their performance in ensuring that those goals are met. Running parallel to all that, is non performance measured group of people playing diplomat and the equivalent of Monopoly with public funds, for their own benefit, not the country who supplied the resources up front to enable this diplomat game to even pretend to take place with the right checks and balances in place. All those employed in this parasitic environment really should start looking for alternative employment. That business/employment model being used is outdated, and will be forced to end quicker than all those who benefit from the existing system would like. Every single person employed in a role where they salary depends upon the existence of a Royal Family, can never be described as fair in their outputs of their work. The emotional and life changing outcomes for victims who dared to stand up and speak up for themselves and demonstrate independent thought has been too high a price to pay. The scales of justice need to be rebalanced, and certain professions otherwise known as cartels in that line of work, are fast becoming surplus to requirements. No amount of propaganda will be able to turn the tidal wave into a different direction. The UK will become a Republic. The signs are there, and the statistics consistently back this up, when authentic people and organisations run the polls published. Every single honest and truthful poll put together clearly shows the age profiles of who is interested in a Monarchy, and the results are consistently showing a growing trend. People of my age group and older, have far less time left on this planet, than those who are younger in age, and the vast majority in the younger age groups are streets and lanes ahead in terms of wishing to secure a Republic. It is coming people.
Lets add to the body of knowledge, so that in the future, the evidence will be recorded in a variety of places to confirm mine and many others beliefs on this matter. Let’s explore how I approached the evidence and information in the book Spare by Prince Harry.
The areas of research I conducted for this podcast related to childhood trauma and its links, if any, to adulthood. In my conclusion I have considered The Queen, The Queen’s parents, Prince Charles (now King) and William and Harry. I could have included many many more, but that would have meant several podcasts needed to cover all the main players/examples, and this podcast channel does not have a focus on UK Royalty, but more how the entity impacted and continues to try to impact on Harry and Meghan and their children. I have nothing against the British Royal Family as such, but nothing that I would want to spend research time on, and what they do from day to day. I do, however, wish to include how such a small uninformed group of individuals, with no proven business & commercial acumen, have managed to use public funds to send tentacles out to a wide variety of people & groups around the world, to do the deeds deemed necessary, whilst the BRF hide their hands and officially claim no comment. It does not matter, the global support network dwarfs the Royalist support many times over, and our global database of receipts to challenge and to support evidence is 2nd to None. Every publication the support network produces is evidence and insurance on a global scale. Power without knowledge is dangerous, but knowledge brings the power, and is a key element that the powerful often overlook.
Childhood Trauma and the Links to Adulthood
The following are examples of adverse childhood experiences and stressful experiences that can lead to long-term effects in adulthood.
- Physical abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Physical neglect
- Emotional neglect
- Witnessing domestic violence
- Substance misuse within the household
- Mental illness within the household
- Parental separation or divorce
- Incarceration of a household member
- Sudden death in the family
- Caring for someone with a chronic or debilitating illness
Key Observations From The 1st Read Through the Book
- Charles and William claimed not to know why Harry and Meghan left the UK.
- Assessing every space – internally and externally relating to the grounds. Memories in fine detail.
- Queen Victoria shot at 8 times by 7 of her subjects.
- Balmoral has 50 bedrooms. William and Harry shared one former bedroom, which was divided into two for their use. William had the larger size room. It was much more luxurious than the small section allocated to Harry. The Heir had the largest section. Harry being the Spare automatically was given the less luxurious and smaller bedroom.
- Prince Charles said on the day of Harry’s birth to Princess Diana, “you have now given me an Heir and a Spare – my job is now done”.
- Harry was 20 years old when he heard about what Charles had said to Diana following his birth. Charles then left to be with his girlfriend Camilla. Diana and William and Harry all knew about Camilla. There was no secret about it. Charles told them where he was going.
- Harry recalled the various sounds that were heard in the mornings at Balmoral. Eg Charles doing stretches and exercises to ease pain in his joints from old polo injuries. Charles always did head stands as part of his routine. It seems that a variety of strange sounds came from his bedroom each morning, during these sessions. Harry never felt anyone could just enter the room. He did state in the book that the valet would always be in there, helping his father to dress. This was a small section that caused my mind to wander, but nothing that came to mind could be included here. It is for readers to form their own conclusions if they so wish.
- The Heir and the Spare. “I was the back up, the distraction, diversion and if necessary the spare body parts such as a kidney if needed, a speck of bone marrow.
- “Succession was like the weather, or the position of the planets, or the turn of the seasons. Who had the time to worry about things so unchangeable? Who could be bothered by a fate etched in stone?”
- “Being a Windsor meant working out which truths were timeless and then banishing them from your mind.”
- It meant absorbing the basic parameters of ones identity, knowing by instinct who you were. Which was forever a bi product of who you were not.” Ie you weren’t Granny, Pa or Willy – I was third in line behind them.
Balmoral Was a Stage:-
- August 1997. Footman and Nanny Mabel joined William and Harry.
- Evening meals – vey regimented. Place settings – use of tape measures – as everything had to be precise.
- Adults attended the meal downstairs and William and Harry eat upstairs with the Nanny.
- Charles came into the bedroom when Harry and William were in bed. Charles informed Harry “mummy has been in an accident Darling Boy. They tried, but “she didn’t make it.” Harry did not cry, but cannot recall what he said, if anything. Charles touched Harry’s knee and said it is going to be alright. “It wasn’t.”
- William was told before Harry. Harry stayed in his room until around 9.00am. Harry was alone. Left with his thoughts. Harry never left his bed. Asked for no one. Just lay there.
- Harry has no memory of what was said inside the church.
- Remembers acknowledgements were needed for the people waiting outside. Had to get out and meet people. Harry reached up to hold his father’s hand. He recalls it was a mistake because it gave the press what they wanted. Harry recalled the constant sound of clicks of the cameras, as they took photos of Harry reaching for his father’s hand for comfort.
Charles Left for Paris:-
- Charles left for Paris, with Diana’s sisters, Sarah and Jane.
- “They needed to hear more about the crash and “needed to collect Mummy’s body” Harry said that he kept hearing that word. Ie Body. Harry said the word “body” was like a punch in the throat. His mind was saying that Mummy is not dead.
- Harry does not remembers any details of the first few days in September.
- Sarah gave William and Harry a blue box each. The boxes contained a clip of Diana’s hair.
- Shook 100s of hands outside Kensington Palace. Fingers often wet from the public tears. Harry still could not cry. It was as though he was so used to the approach of the British Royal Family. Ie crying was not an option.
- They then went inside Kensington Palace. Inside Diana’s apartment. There was a coffin in a room along a long corridor.
- The media were asking the Queen to show that she cared. Lots of talk around why the flag was not at half mast out of respect.
- Harry recalls members of the public, saying that “the boys looked shell shocked. Funeral scheduled for the next day.
- “We will walk behind the coffin. Lots of discussion. It was decided that they would both walk behind the coffin.” Grandpa looked serene – another Royal engagement.
- William and Harry looked down at the ground for the duration of the walk.
- Harry recalls the sounds. Feeling numb and clenching his fists. Kept William in a fraction of his vision and drawing strength from that. Remembers the sounds of the 6 horses hooves on the ground and the squeaking wheels of the gun carriage.
- Harry says he will remember those sounds for the rest of his life – not least because it was the complete opposite of everything else – which was complete silence. There was distant sounds of wailing from the crowds.
- The walk to the Abbey was 20 minutes.
- Elton John sang Candle in the Wind, changed slightly for the service. Harry came close, but still no tears. Nearly but they did not arrive.
- Charles, Diana’s brother, blasted everyone, in particular the nation and the press for stalking Diana to her death.
- Diana buried at Althorp. Diana’s hands crossed on her chest and photos of William and Harry placed in the coffin with her.
- When the coffin was going down into the vault, it became the trigger for Harry to cry. Sobbed without control into his hands. He still did not quite believe that it was true – that she was gone.
Everything Went Back to Normal:-
- Most often Harry was on his own. On Sept 15th 1997 it was Harry’s 13th Aunt Sarah arrived with a gift, Diana had purchased for his birthday. It was an X Box.
- Harry said that he was unable to remember finer details the way he used to be able to do before.
Ludgrove & Matrons:-
- Tenderness came from the Matrons. Harry cried once at the grave but nothing since. The Matrons were there to wipe the tears of the boys but Harry had none to wipe.
- On Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays there was such a thing as a “Grab Table”. It was a table full of various forms of confectionary. Basically a sugar high food fare. Basically the boys grabbed as much as they could until the table was empty. Harry did the same.
- Harry had deep regret about the last telephone conversation with his mother. He had been playing outside, and rushed the conversation with Diana, in his haste to get back and join the other boys. This was the day that Diana died that evening.
Going Home for Half Term:-
- Charles feared for Harry being alone at this time; William was still at Eton.
- The Spice Girls would be in Johannesburg and also meeting Nelson Mandela. Charles thought it would be good PR for him to meet with Nelson Mandela and to take Harry with him.
- Charles tried but never quite prepared for single parenthood. He tried but found it difficult in communicating, listening and being intimate face to face. Sometimes he would leave a letter on Harry’s pillow. One stated how proud of Harry he was. Harry wondered why Charles could not just say that to him face to face a few moments before, when he was actually with him.
- The South Africa visit was a work trip for Charles, rather than a father and son visit to be closer together. Journalists shouting “how are you doing Harry?” Trying to get him to say the wrong thing.
- Harry held Charles’ hand. Loving him. Needing him. The backdrop to these scenes was flashes going off and shouts from the Royal Reporters to Harry.
Back to Ludgrove:-
- Harry would often sneak out of his dormitory and roam the corridors. He was lonely and bored and was depressed and missed his mother terribly. One teacher who upon hearing any activity in the corridors would come out and hit the boys on the head with a Bible, for being in forbidden territory at that time in the evening. A few of the boys would escape to outside of the building and go and hide in nearby fields. Often eating strawberries from the nearby said fields. Every time Harry eats strawberries now, he remembers those occasions when a group of them would hide in the fields and eat strawberries in secret.
- Mr Marston was a teacher who was always on dinner duty. He walked around carrying a small bell, and when he wanted to get the attention of the boys, he would ring this bell. Some boys would regularly carry on speaking. The level of noise in the dining hall, made it easy to use the excuse that no one heard the bell ringing. Not true, but this teacher persisted with his bell ringing and becoming more irate with each attempt. There is a line in that particular chapter that stood out for me, hence why I have included it in this part of the podcast. I will come back to it, and all these points I am summarizing here, later in the podcast, and in much more detail in the article. Harry refers to this particular teacher becoming increasingly irate, and his voice getting louder with each bell ringing stint being ignored by all the boys in the dining room.
Harry mentioned this practice to his father, and Charles told Harry about an escaped patient from nearby Broadmoor, whose escape culminated in this male patient killing a child in the village. Charles told Harry a story about a patient in a similar establishment where he visited once, and this patient was convinced he was the Prince of Wales. Charles joked with him by telling him that he was in fact the Prince of Wales, and the patient said that was impossible because he was indeed the Prince of Wales. Charles went on to say, who can say which one of us is right. Who could say that they were sane? Maybe friends and family may have been humoring either one of them. Charles went on to say “who knows if I am your real father? Your father might be in Broadmoor, Darling Boy.” Charles was laughing but Harry was not. This was all based on the rumor that has circulated for years, and still does to this day, that Harry’s real father is James Hewitt, a former lover of Diana and who has bright ginger hair. Harry refers to the so called humour over such a question, but he also said it was sadistic to continue with this so called joke. Harry states in the book that his mum did not meet James Hewitt until long after Harry was born, but the tabloids have continued to run with this story over the decades since. At one point the tabloids were asking for a DNA to be carried out to prove once and for all, who Harry’s father is. In the majority of the biographies written about Harry, there is a scene referred to in these books of a poignant moment when Charles sat down with Harry and told him that James Hewitt was not his father. This scene never happened Harry has stated in the book, but still this fictional scene is referred to in publications who have zero information on this topic, but just print such things for income generation. Harry said that the fact that Charles joked about his parentage was not amusing in any way. If Charles did indeed have any thoughts on this topic, he has never voiced them to Harry.
Going back to Mr Marston and his ringing the brass bell to make the boys stop what they were doing and listen to what he had to say, there is a sentence that stood out to me about this scenario. It was this “abandoned children don’t care about a bell.”
- There were other examples of ‘events’ occurring at school or elsewhere, and somehow the Royal Rota would get to hear about it, and print a faux story to go along with their article. In one instance it related to a DIY haircut by another pupil, which resulted in not quite the desired outcome. Another pupil declared he could make it right. The end result was that Harry looked like a skinhead. There were no photos of the said hairstyle, but the Royal Reporter knew about it, and wrote an article accordingly, and used a computer generated image representing the hairstyle. Despite the agreement made with the press that whilst William and Harry were at school, the reporters would leave them alone. That rule was clearly changing and now it seemed to apply only to the Heir, and the Spare was fair game.
- Weeks later Harry broke a thumb bone whilst playing Rugby. Nothing major. The press reported, (on its front page) that Harry had had an accident, and that it was very serious and practically at deaths door. Despite the sombre sub text, much of the article was claiming that Harry was weak and delicate etc. Once again Harry’s words in the book stood out for me. He states, “My existence was just fun and games to these people. I wasn’t a human being to them. I wasn’t a 14 year old boy hanging on by his fingernails. I was a cartoon character, a glove puppet to be manipulated and mocked for fun. So what if their fun made my already difficult day even more difficult, made me a laughing stock before my schoolmates, not to mention the wider world. So what if they were torturing a child? All was justified because I was Royal, and in their minds, Royal was synonymous with non-person.
- Harry labelled “naughty”. Poor Grades – not academically great. Always compared to Eton No regard as to the reasons why. ie loss of a mother. “All the basis of learning was to memorise data.” Harry did not want to memorise anything. Remembering = Grief.
- Going back to Africa again, this time without Charles but with William and his minder, Marco. Going back to Botswana. Favourite Nanny Tiggy would be there as well.
- Just like back home, William did not want to ‘know’ Harry on this trip either. He always used to ask him to behave like he did not know him at all?? The mode of behaviour continued in Africa too, in terms of William. Harry always had to go to bed first, but he did not mind. He fell asleep quicker than he had done for a very long time. Marco used to be in the Welsh Guards. Harry was determined to make Marco laugh whilst they were in Africa.
- One of the earlier tricks Harry played on Marco was to put Tabasco in the puddings. Harry crept out to the food tent, and ensured that the cooks knew what he was doing. Harry crept back to the tent near the campfire. Everyone was eating their main meal and were now on the dessert. Harry heard a sound coming from Marco’s direction, in unison with others. When he looked, he saw a Leopard at the entrance to the tent. Everyone froze except Harry, who moved towards it. Carefully Marco placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder to stop him from going any closer to the leopard. The animal stared at them all, and then turned around, and went off down the pathway that Harry had just been walking on, returning from the Catering tent. The realisation of what could have happened, to all of them, including Harry suddenly dawned on everyone. Thoughts of the newspaper headlines the following day. Harry found comfort not fear. He was convinced that the leopard represented the spirit of Diana and that she was letting him know, all would be alright.
- The difference in the people and the continent of Africa did not go unnoticed by Harry. Very different to Royal life. Always told to maintain a distance from any crowd as they were Royal. Safety reasons. Same rules within the family. Don’t get close to each other. No hugs. No signs of closeness. Yet the animal and the trackers were the opposite. Lots of laughter. Harry loved everything about the experience. Harry loved Africa. The Rivers were full of life.
Balmoral Summer 2001
- Harry talked about his great Grandmother. The Queen mom always said that she would never leave the country. Nothing was more important to her than the Crown.
- Harry smoked weed in secret. He liked to watch Family Guy, particularly the character of Stewey. Enjoyed Fox sightings – reminded him of the Leopard incident in Botswana.
- Crept out for drinks then returned with everyone to Club H (H=Highgrove) An underground cellar room used by William and Harry in secret from most for private leisure time, away from prying eyes. Bodyguards were always nearby. Music and gaming equipment was set up in there, and was a secret Den like room. It was the only place that William treated Harry like someone he liked. William was more at peace down there. William did not treat Harry like a stranger, but Harry still could not talk about his mother. They did talk about the joy of privacy in Club H.
- Harry had to meet with a Marco and a representative of a tabloid Editor. The paper was going to run a story that Harry was a full blown drug addict. The Palace decided to ‘play ball’ – it would bolster Charles and Camilla, and give the Spare as the target.
- In 2002 tabloid ran a 7 page story that Harry was a habitual drug user.
- In 2002 the Royal family became smaller. Margaret died in Feb 2002 and the Queen Mother died in March 2002. Déjà vu for William and Harry to be walking behind a gun carriage again.
- Golden jubilee – Summer of 2002. Expressions of joy – not like the usual staid approach of the UK. However, The Queen never really relaxed or let her guard down.
- Thanksgiving service – The Queen and Prince Philip travelled in a gold carriage to church. There was a lunch and an evening event. Not allowed to hug anyone. (When the Queen returned from a 7 month Royal Tour, she shook Prince Charles hand, as opposed to how Diana used to greet her children upon return from any time away from the boys. The family just did not do such things). The Queen wore ear plugs at the musical event in the evening, but still tapped her feet and clapped her hands as if she could hear the music. Ie Kept up appearances.
- Charles wanted to know what Harry intended to do post leaving Eton. William was at St Andrews University Harry suggested being a ski instructor. Charles said No. Harry wanted to do something outside of the Box. Royals were not required to have ambitions. Harry wanted to do something. Charles told Harry to be advised not to be too ambitious and not to outshine. Charles still set up projects when he was younger, but clearly did not outshine anyone in that family. After much discussion, Charles agreed for Harry to join the army, Harry was keen to go this route rather than university. Charles recommended a Gap Year. Harry discussed it with Marco and they settled on Africa. Agreed to be in Lesoutu.
Childhood traumas affect relationships
In psychological trauma, the impact of what’s been experienced persists, even though that stressful situation no longer exists. In other words, it doesn’t matter that 15, 20 or 30 years have passed since the adverse experience. In fact, the symptomatology persists and manifests itself in many ways.
The Universities of Illinois, Chicago, Virginia, and Texas (USA) conducted research on this subject. The study concluded that a large number of children who were victims of childhood trauma, on reaching adolescence, experienced difficulties in managing and regulating their emotions.
Alas, the question presumes a type of normalcy and natural order of the parent-child relationship that betrays the root of narcissism. The truth is, narcissistic parents don’t have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances. Mirrors UK Royal Family practices through the centuries.
Developmental trauma is more common than one may think and can easily lead to problems later on in adulthood.
Emotional regulation, consciousness, and memory, distorted perceptions of perpetrators of abuse, difficulties in relationships, low self-esteem, and a weak outlook on life are all known factors in adulthood that occur from childhood trauma.
Early trauma in childhood changes the developing brain because an environment characterized by abuse and neglect, for example, causes different adaptations of brain circuitry than an environment of safety, security, and love and the earlier the distress, on average, the more profound the effects in adulthood.
Whether the trauma was physical abuse, emotional abuse such as neglect, or verbal abuse, the long-term effects of childhood trauma, especially if left untreated, can wreak havoc in adulthood.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, strong connections exist between childhood trauma and high-risk behavior such as smoking, having unprotected sex, and experiencing chronic illness such as heart disease and cancer. Individuals who have experienced abuse are likely to experience stress and anxiety later in life. This long-term stress and anxiety can cause physical symptoms as well as emotional issues throughout life.
In short, childhood trauma creates a fractured foundation for the individual for the rest of their lives. The way we are raised and the sense of security it creates (or shatters), all impact the emotional, and sometimes physical path, we take as adults.
Most people remain ignorant to the fact that childhood trauma, if not addressed, extends beyond childhood
There is an important distinction to be drawn between unresolved childhood trauma and unresolved childhood issues, both of which may benefit from therapy. Many people in adulthood may look back at how they were raised and identify areas of dysfunction (intense sibling rivalry, an emotionally distant parent, etc.) In some cases, they may be able to trace the roots of a mental health condition like depression to specific issues in childhood.
While these issues may be significant enough to warrant therapy, they do not entail the experience of a traumatic or shocking event or situation during childhood. In this case, the more appropriate term for a person’s experience would be “childhood trauma.”
What Are Common Sources of Childhood Trauma?
According to experts, there are many sources of childhood trauma. For example, the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) lists 12 common types of childhood trauma. Briefly, and in alphabetical order, these include:
- Traumatic Grief – When someone the child knows dies, especially if that individual is a parent, the intense emotions surrounding the death may be too much for the child to handle. This sets the stage for the type of trauma known as traumatic grief. Children may find it difficult to process their grief, making everyday life a struggle. They also have trouble recalling positive memories of the deceased.
Linkage of the Evidence from the Book “Spare” and The Corellation with Academic Research & Models.
For this section of the podcast, and for the subsequent follow up podcasts x2, please start to think of the The Firm, The Monarchy, The British Royal Family as the equivalent of a Narcissistic parent. This is my own view, and one for which I have been researching and writing about in the current book underway, in terms of the impact on those in the Line of Succession, and with a focus on the children labelled as Spares, you will start to view and consider the implications and indicators of Narcissism in a slightly different way. My thesis on this interpretation does not negate all the existing academic research on the topic of Narcissism. Indeed, I believe that it adds to the body of knowledge and that is what I am seeking to validate by all the Sussex Global UK podcasts to date, and the accompanying articles, together with the huge list of literature references. Whilst acknowledging various groups and individuals exhibiting narcissistic behaviour, there is merit in standing back from all that evidence, and to begin to look at the entity of Monarchy and its partners in the media (printed and televised) and its application of various approaches to ensure its continuous existence, and to acknowledge therefore, the fall out and human costs to individuals who are treated badly under this regime of protocol and practices, which if carried out outside of that protected bubble, would be considered against the legal processes in existence, and in particularly basic Human Rights legislation. Media barons/owners and the various groups within their control, along with the Monarchy, and hate groups formed to target an individual are each in turn acting like narcissists, and at the top of the societal tree, is the Monarchy and it is to be seem as the lead Narcissistic group orchestrating all those created to be part of the self preservation and idol symbolism that accompanies such a structure. Any deviation from that goal brings down the the equivalent of fire and brimstone of Hades.
As this is part one of 3 podcasts on this subject, I am going to give a few examples in the conclusions, where I have cross mapped incidents, outcomes, impacts on Prince Harry and other key players in this scenario and ask you to consider the abuses in full view, and to stand book and use a different lens, and look at those same examples of experiences again. I will document more details and examples in the third and final podcast of this series. Next week will focus on Harry’s experiences in the military, and of course, the final podcast in the series will explore the healing process, and the boundaries in place and still being developed, in a loving and nurturing environment that exists now. We will explore the journey that it required to reach this mecca, and the foresight and recognition of others along the way, to provide the wind beneath the wings of Harry and Meghan.
Remember to replace Narcissistic parents into the Monarchy as an entity and the associated groups working in tandem as referred to above.
The following extract is from a very interesting website, and information from Michael G Quirke MA. The link is included in the list of reference sources below.
Remember, replace Narcissistic parents and behaviour, into the Monarchy et al as outlined earlier.
6 Common Traits of a Narcissistic Parent and The Trauma Symptoms They Can Cause
The word that comes to mind is “grandiose.” The narcissistic parent will exaggerate and lie about themselves. They’ll demand your attention while neglecting your needs. Worse, they often view their child’s increasing independence and autonomy as a threat to their own interests. If so, they likely squelched and sidelined your talents, interests, and growth and kept the focus on their dreams.
Being raised around someone who takes up all the psychic space can lead a person to feel chronic shame, worthlessness and unimportance.
2. No Respect For Boundaries.
A narcissist seems incapable of recognizing that other people have needs. As a result, they will not respect the boundaries their child sets. In fact, a narcissistic parent is adept at making their kid feel guilty for even daring to set a healthy boundary. Their wishes and demands are framed as something you owe them and should want to do. Guilt and manipulation are common ways that your boundaries are breached.
In a sense, boundary issues are the hallmark of early trauma. Inadequate boundaries are one of the most challenging traits of children with narcissistic parents. struggled to strengthen weak, wobbly or non-existent boundaries. Others were at the opposite end of the spectrum. They needed help letting down their walls and allowing someone in. After what they endured, trust in others did not come so easy.
3. Communication as Warfare
To put it mildly, you will not experience honest communication from a narcissistic parent. For years, your mother or father may make it a habit to put you down, making it clear that they are superior and in control. They will be inappropriately or hurtfully competitive, persistently critical, unfavorable comparisons, subtly humiliating, and more.
Over time, the way they invalidate you and keep you off balance wears down your self-esteem. It robs your relationship, such that it is, of genuine positivity. Instead, you feel confused, rejected, and traumatized by the lack of love and acceptance. Have you experienced a parent who
- Talks over you
- Makes every conversation about them
- Avoids topics of importance to you
- Assumes dominant and threatening postures
- Never asks about you
- Doesn’t listen
- Interrogates you
A major therapeutic task for many of my clients has been to learn how to break the deeply ingrained survival response of fawning. This is the tendency to make yourself invisible and focus on meeting the needs of others. It’s a survival strategy that evolves out of our nervous system’s natural ability to submit and withdraw when we feel we are in the presence of a predator and are facing mortal danger.
Other patients I’ve worked with were stuck in constant battle. They sought my help because they had to learn to disengage their fight response. Our therapeutic work involved softening their chronic defensiveness and belligerence. It was making them miserable..
Don’t expect your narcissistic parent to own up to a mistake. They will manipulate you into believing you either misunderstood or made up the whole thing. By the end of the discussion, they may even have you apologizing.
While gaslighting is a term that is being bandied about these days, it’s a real thing. The lack of insight that a narcissist displays is very real and it’s effects can linger for years. For many of my clients, growing up with parents who played mind games resulted in endless bouts of self doubt and genuine confusion about their perceptions. Their lack of self confidence led to chronic difficulty making decisions. Haunted by aloneness, many felt as if no one could understand or believe their story.
Support and encouragement helped them to learn to trust themselves and the safe people in their lives.
5. Playing the Victim
Expect to be provoked into confrontations. The moment you show anger, your narcissistic parent will likely accuse you of attacking them. It’s also very likely they will accuse you of being abusive yourself. Often very narcissistic people will punish you by mounting a smear campaign against you. They may badmouth you and try to damage your reputation. This effectively keeps you quiet, frustrated, and prone to doing their bidding for the sake of peace.
Remember the saying, “hate usually comes from below?” This means that the reason the narcissist lashes out is because they are desperately trying to ward off deep feelings of shame in themselves. One client put it like this “This has left me with a bucket of emotional slime that I’ve spent years wiping off me”. That slime included; chronic anger, helplessness and fear.
6. Abusive Behavior and Neglect
Aside from the more covert manipulation listed above, a narcissistic parent will also engage in openly abusive behavior. Without a hint of compassion or empathy, they may subject you to mockery, humiliation, and physical threats or violence and neglect.
This type of behavior led my clients to battle some of the more classic symptoms of complex traumatic stress disorder. The common symptoms have included:
- Emotional numbing
- Distrust and fear in relationships
- Emotional regulations problems.
- Flashbacks- Emotional and physical
- Difficulty with relationships
- Self loathing- and a particularly vicious inner critic.
- Arousal dysregulation of the nervous system. (problems with fight, flight, freeze, submit)
- Stress related health problems
How you cope with stress is influenced by your earlier experiences, your genes and brain regulation
Exposure to traumatic experiences in childhood can have a negative impact on the development of the brain when it’s most vulnerable. Cases of childhood maltreatment are more common than reported; conservative estimates show over 45,000 Australian children were exposed to maltreatment in 2015 and 2016. Adversity in childhood can include experiences such as emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, neglect, and the sudden loss of a parent or caregiver.
Early life adversity is a major risk factor for the development of psychological and behavioural problems later in life. Higher rates of depression, suicidality, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and aggressive behaviour have been reported in adults who experienced childhood maltreatment.
The 2nd section of this book review will be published on 22nd January 2023, and will focus on Harry’s life in the military, but will from time to time, bring in elements of Section One and Three of the Book here and there. The final part of this book Review will be published on 29th January.
The final podcast in this series will bring together all the key elements of childhood trauma discussed in all 3 podcasts, and look at the potential impact in adult life, many decades later. Narcissism can be prescribed to individuals and groups, and it is therefore not a stretch of the imagination to consider a Monarchy that actually fits into both categories. A King or Queen, could be seen as a Narcissistic individual doing what is deemed the best for the institution, and equally the Monarchy as a thousand plus year old organisation with a structure that is designed to continue its life and purpose, at all times, without any departure from that goal. Survival of the entity overrides any consideration for any casualties along the way, it would seem. We will explore that aspect of the aims and objectives of The Firm in the final part of this trilogy on 29th January 2023. There is plenty of historical data of individuals who dared to put their heads above the parapet in various UK Monarchy families, and those that did so, suffered adversely as a result, in a variety of ways. It is research that is well worth considering and to hear of the first person to actually escape from the UK Monarchy structure, and the price that had to be paid to do so, will definately be a core element of future history books. Not least because this is the first time, the narrative has come from someone who lived through these experiences first. The story has bot been told by people whose role is to spin stories in a particular way. Harry took the initiative and insisted on writing his own story in his own words. Powerful and a game changer in the world of UK Monarchy.
So, please join me for parts 2 & 3, and be part of the audience around the globe, looking at a centuries old institution with a different lens, and the areas of the mind that will now be explored in a different way moving forward. Ultimately, the work of this channel, is encouraging conversations, and all of those discussions, and publications from a different perspective that has held the floor over the years, will allow for the data to be collected and considered to be “adding to the body of knowledge” out there on the subject.
15th January 2023