When A Narcissist Demands You Return to Your Place

on Their Chess Board


SGUK Episode 126


Extract:- In This podcast we will look at

What is narcissism?

Symptoms of a narcissist’s manipulation

What happens when a narcissist loses control over you?

Where does a narcissist’s need for control come from?

Common narcissist behaviors when their needs aren’t met

What is narcissism? 

While the word narcissism and the phrase narcissist control have almost become mainstream, there is a huge debate.

As this review of the controversies in narcissism explainsthere are various models and theories that attempt to define narcissism.

The key point to note is that there’s a range of symptoms, from healthy narcissism to pathological narcissistic personality disorder. While the media quickly calls these people vain and self-centered, they are usually deeply insecure. This insecurity makes them feel so vulnerable that they need constant validation.

Without this validation, they may quickly become narcissistic control freaks in a misguided attempt to protect their fragile self-esteem. So, how does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? They’ll do anything to regain that control to feel in power and assertively. 

Symptoms of a narcissist’s manipulation

What does a narcissist mean when they brag about their achievements, lie, or antagonize you? It all comes down to trying to hide a deep shame by attempting to control you.

As children, either controlling or dismissive parents may have crushed their self-esteem. 

Narcissists often lie, infantilize, and gaslight you. They can put you down, and yet they crave your admiration. These tactics are all an attempt to control you because they artificially boost your self-esteem by exerting their power.

Sadly, narcissists destroy who they cannot control. There’s no escaping this fact unless you do something about it. Try to remember that it’s rarely with malicious intent. 

Most narcissists aren’t aware of their behaviors, which is why their rage can seem so out of control. Essentially, they’re only reacting to feeling lost and confused. They feel no empathy for others but are at a complete loss regarding their emotions.

What happens when a narcissist loses control over you?

A narcissist losing control can be truly terrifying. Depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, they can become aggressive, violent, or withdrawn while isolating you from the outside world. 

The question might now be, “How does a narcissist act according to the different types”? So, you could be dealing with an overbearing, overt narcissist or a paranoid narcissist who projects their flaws onto you.

You might face a narcissistic collapse at the extreme end of the scale. Essentially, losing control over you or your environment is highly triggering for a narcissist. When a narcissist loses power, you’ll see them revert to pure emotion completely out of control. 

So, how does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? If they are so triggered, they’ll lash out at you verbally and physically. They’ll essentially do anything to cover the shame of being humiliated or stressed to such levels.

When a narcissist realizes your refusal to be controlled, they panic because their demands are no longer met. They’ll become coercive, manipulative, and potentially aggressive. On the other hand, they might become superficially charming to lure you back in before they start controlling you again.

Where does a narcissist’s need for control come from? 

Narcissism lies on a spectrum. While we all need a healthy amount of narcissism to be confident enough to live our lives, extreme narcissism is devastating for everyone involved. The problem with narcissists is that their issues are so deep that they rarely see the need for change.  

Dr. Jeffrey Young specifically developed schema therapy to help those particularly resistant, like most narcissists. His therapy also gives us an understanding of where it all comes from. It helps us understand the question, “How does a narcissist react when they can’t control.”

Schemas, or maladaptive reactions and beliefs, come from traumatic experiences, especially during childhood. Without a supportive family network, narcissists develop deeply held beliefs of mistrust, perfectionism, and shame.

These beliefs then translate into what we call narcissistic manipulation. The coping behaviors they learned to hide the pain of shame and mistrust blow up as the controlling bully, paranoid perfectionist, or overbearing fanatic. 

In summary, when a narcissist can’t control you, all the pain from the past comes up to the surface. Imagine a caged wild animal desperate to be set free.

Symptoms of a narcissist’s manipulation

That’s why what happens when a narcissist loses control is frightening. They can be physically violent, and you should prioritize your safety. Simply walk away. A useful next step is to reach out to narcissist support groups.

Common narcissist behaviors when their needs aren’t met 

The things to expect when a narcissist’s needs aren’t met include physical and verbal violence. When narcissists lose control over their environment, their needs aren’t met. So, they panic and become reactive.

They might also try to distort reality to suit their needs again. Tactics include over-generalizing, blaming, catastrophizing, always being right, and many more.  

How does a narcissist act in that case? It doesn’t just involve immediate reactions. They might also become vindictive and manipulative behind the scenes. So, they’ll lie to your friends and family so they can all turn against you. 

When narcissists can no longer control you, they might even go online and create rumors and stories about you. Alternatively, they’ll give you the silent treatment and make you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

Essentially, the question “How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you?” has many examples depending on the type of narcissist.

So, the covert narcissist will blame everyone else and become highly defensive. On the flip side, an overt narcissist might become exploitative, but the antagonistic one will fight.

At this point, you might be wondering how to control a narcissist. The short answer is that you can’t. If you do try, you’ll only trigger the issues that led them to become a narcissist. Remember that they’re often controlling to counteract previously controlling parents.

Nevertheless, you can be assertive with a narcissist and make yourself heard. The first step is to ensure you’re not in any physical danger.

Then, what does a narcissist mean when they control, dismiss or antagonize you? As we’ll see in the next section, knowing the underlying cause behind the behavior can help you strategize to assert yourself.

How Does a Narcissist React to Being Blocked: 12 Ways of Conduct

Blocking a narcissist is a decision that many individuals contemplate when dealing with the challenges of interacting with someone who exhibits narcissistic personality traits.

Narcissism is a complex and often problematic personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, a lack of empathy for others, and a tendency to manipulate and exploit those around them for personal gain.

If you don’t know how does a narcissist react to being blocked, dealing with them can be emotionally draining, frustrating, and even detrimental to one’s well-being.

The decision to block a narcissist, whether on social media or in other forms of communication, is a matter of personal choice and depends on various factors. It can be a protective measure to safeguard one’s mental and emotional health.

Blocking a narcissist can help create boundaries, minimize exposure to their manipulative tactics, and reduce the negative impact they have on your life. However, it’s important to consider the context of your relationship with the narcissist, potential consequences, and your own well-being when making this decision.

Let’s understand the reasons one might consider blocking the narcissist, the potential benefits and drawbacks, and alternative strategies for dealing with them effectively.

Ultimately, the decision to block a narcissist should be made with careful consideration of your own needs, boundaries, and the specific dynamics of the relationship in question.

12 behavioral examples

Blocking a narcissist can trigger a range of reactions, as they often have a fragile ego and are highly sensitive to perceived threats to their self-esteem and control.

While the specific response may vary depending on the individual and the nature of your relationship with them, here are 12 ways that a narcissist may react when they discover they have been blocked:

1. Rage and outbursts

When a narcissist realizes they’ve been blocked, they can react with explosive anger. This intense rage is a response to the perceived threat to their control and ego.

They may flood your inbox with furious messages, leave voicemails filled with expletives, or even show up at your doorstep in a fit of fury.

This reaction stems from their inability to handle rejection and their desperate need for admiration and validation.

2. Attempts to manipulate

Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and when blocked, they often resort to cunning tactics to regain control. They may try to manipulate you into unblocking them by using guilt, flattery, or empty promises to change their ways.

They’ll minimize their own harmful behaviors and shift blame onto you, attempting to play on your emotions and vulnerabilities.

3. Victim playing

Some narcissists adopt a victim mentality when they’ve been blocked. They cast themselves as the injured party, claiming that you’ve wronged them by blocking them and portraying you as the aggressor.

This manipulative tactic is aimed at eliciting sympathy and support from others, making it appear as though you’re the one who has done something wrong.

4. Smear campaigns

To protect their image and control the narrative, narcissists may launch a smear campaign against you when blocked.

They may spread false information, gossip, or negative stories about you to damage your credibility and isolate you from mutual friends or acquaintances. This strategy is designed to maintain their facade of superiority while tarnishing your reputation.

5. Hoovering

Hoovering is a tactic where the narcissist attempts to draw you back into their life after you’ve cut ties. When blocked, they may oscillate between periods of intense remorse and nostalgia. During these phases, they’ll send messages filled with regret and affection, seeking to lure you back into their manipulative web.

6. Gaslighting

Narcissists often employ gaslighting techniques to make you doubt your own perception of reality. When blocked, they may claim that you’re overreacting, imagining things, or misinterpreting their actions. Gaslighting is intended to make you second-guess your decision to block them and question your own judgment.

7. Silent treatment

Some narcissists respond to being blocked with the silent treatment. They’ll withhold communication for an extended period, banking on your fear of abandonment to prompt you to unblock them and seek their approval. This tactic is used to regain control and power over the situation.

8. Creating alternate accounts

In the digital age, narcissists may go to great lengths to circumvent the block. They might create fake social media profiles or use the accounts of friends or family members to continue monitoring your life. This persistence underscores their determination to maintain control and access to your information.

9. Stalking and harassment

In extreme cases, a narcissist’s reaction to being blocked can escalate to stalking or harassment. They may follow you physically, spy on your online activities, or make unwelcome advances, causing significant distress and potentially leading to legal consequences.

10. Sudden charm offensive

When blocked, some narcissists switch tactics and suddenly become excessively charming and apologetic.

They may shower you with gifts, compliments, and promises of change in a bid to regain your favor and access to your life. This charm offensive is a manipulative ploy to regain control over the relationship.

11. Threats and ultimatums

In moments of desperation, narcissists may resort to issuing threats or ultimatums when blocked. They may employ emotional manipulation, such as threatening self-harm or legal action, to coerce you into unblocking them. The specific nature of the threat can vary depending on the narcissist’s personality and available resources.

12. Seeking allies

Narcissists may reach out to mutual friends, family members, or acquaintances when blocked, attempting to recruit allies who can pressure you to unblock them. They may manipulate others into believing their version of events, casting you as the wrongdoer, and portraying themselves as the victim.

This strategy is used to isolate you further and manipulate social dynamics in their favor.

How to assert your needs with a narcissist 

How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? As we’ve seen, it combines physical and verbal violence with various forms of manipulation, gaslighting, and isolation. How to take control away from a narcissist starts by getting to know yourself.

Narcissists attract us because they’re charming and successful. They can also attract us because of our issues. If you’ve found yourself partnering with more than one narcissist in your past, there might be a pattern.

Having a narcissist controlling you can sometimes be because you also suffer from damaged self-esteem. Perhaps you grew up with a narcissist, and subconsciously, you’re recreating what you know from your past. Codependency is another trait that narcissists are attracted to.

Whether you fall for the love bombing because of childhood emotional deprivation or get triggered into self-sacrifice, you can heal your issues. Working with a therapist will help you heal from within, from which you’ll be able to start developing boundaries with the narcissist in your life.

How to stop being controlled in a relationship means not getting triggered?

Anger and confrontation only add fuel to the fire

The non-violent communication framework is critical for connecting with your narcissist and rebuilding a healthy partnership. Don’t fall into the trap of the consequences of “how does a narcissist react when they can’t control.”

What happens if you take control away from a narcissist? Essentially, they panic and can quickly become narcissistic control freaks.

Then again, the question “How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you?” can sometimes bring up different scenarios. Often, they deny having done anything wrong and blame it on you.

In this reference source on what to do when the narcissist knows you’ve figured him out, you’ll also see that taking power away from a narcissist can cause them to resort to projection. This is a subconscious defense mechanism where they accuse you of their flaws and fears.

When they get into this phase, focus on your self-care, stop trying to please subconsciously, and create distance. The other option is to manage them, especially for those you choose to keep in your life. In those cases, set clear boundaries and practice non-violent communication with empathy.

When a narcissist loses their grip on their environment, things can quickly escalate into a narcissistic collapse.

In those cases, how does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? Essentially, they retaliate. With such retaliation, you need to consider how to take control away from a narcissist.

It’s easier to walk away from a narcissist you no longer need. If you’re married or related to one, it’s about managing them with as few outbursts as possible.

Dr. Durvasula has a useful way of summarizing the approach in her book “Don’t You Know Who I Am?” She says, “Validate, smile, don’t engage and exit gracefully.”

Some of you might be squirming at the idea of validating a narcissist. Remember, though, that they need it to stay stable. When a narcissist can’t control you, they get triggered. Instead, support their world if you must, but bring in boundaries, gently but firmly.

What happens when a narcissist realizes they lost you?

Once a narcissist recognizes they’ve lost control or admiration, their response varies from desperate attempts to regain influence to intense anger, often fueled by wounded pride and a fear of abandonment.

How do narcissists feel when you move on?

Narcissists react with a mix of emotions—rage, jealousy, and a bruised ego. They may attempt to undermine your new relationship or engage in manipulation to reassert control, revealing their deep-seated insecurities and inability to handle rejection.

Narcissistic Rage Triggers

Narcissistic rage occurs when a narcissist’s beliefs about their perceived importance or grandiosity are confronted. In turn, they respond with extreme anger toward the perceived threat. Whether narcissistic rage results from criticism, losing control, or minor setbacks, being on the receiving end can be terrifying. Therefore, knowing how to respond to narcissistic rage is essential.

What Is Narcissistic Rage?

Narcissistic rage, a term first coined by psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut, is a sudden and powerful outburst of anger, aggression, and violence from an individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).1 The behavior occurs when the negative feedback that a narcissist receives causes discomfort and their defense mechanisms are activated. Once given a dose of their own medicine, narcissists become emotionally, psychologically, physically, or verbally abusive. Upon recognizing that direct exposure threatens their idealized false identity, narcissists will “blow up” to deflect from the underlying issue.

The rage associated with a narcissistic injury ranges from mild irritation to outright physical attacks. Some narcissists will gaslight, deflect, project, verbally assault, or experience a narcissistic collapse. Depending on the severity of the injury, others may become physically aggressive or incredibly dangerous. The question “Are narcissists dangerous?” can be a legitimate concern, so appropriate caution should be considered.

Typical Response to Offense Vs. Narcissistic Rage

While reacting to criticism or offense with upset and irritation is normal, any mild negative remark can trigger feelings of rejection for the narcissist. Their response will be far beyond a typical level of anger or minor emotional meltdown many people experience from time to time. The first line of attack might be brutal shouting, screaming, and ridiculous accusations against you.

Signs of Narcissistic Rage

The signs of narcissistic rage may not initially appear different than sudden outbursts from friends and loved ones. Narcissistic rage can be either explosive or passive. Explosive narcissistic rage includes outward displays of aggression, such as insults or harmful behaviors. Conversely, passive narcissistic rage may resemble sulking, pouting, or ignoring others. Understanding what triggers a narcissist’s anger can be difficult, especially when the narcissist blames a person or the situation for their outbursts. However, careful attention and analysis will point to signs of narcissistic rage.

Common signs of narcissistic rage include:

  • A bout of anger that is disproportionate to the triggering stressor
  • A rage that may quickly end and never be discussed again
  • Anger that results in verbal or physical aggression
  • Threatening or following through with self-harm behaviors
  • Frustrations that stem from not getting their own way
  • Inability to control anger and emotions
  • Intentionally inflicting physical harm on others
  • Passive-aggressive behavior
  • Cutting a person off entirely
  • Withdrawing or using the silent treatment with someone

What Triggers Narcissistic Rage?

Narcissistic rage is common for those with NPD as they grow increasingly angry with any display of vulnerability. This anger can be triggered when they are “called out,” their image has been damaged, or their shortcomings or wrongdoings are highlighted. The narcissist will use this rage to deflect from and overshadow the true issues.

Possible causes of narcissistic rage include:

Their Self-Esteem or Image Has Been Harmed

Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist thinks their self-esteem or self-worth is threatened.2 Because narcissists have very low self-esteem, they become incredibly defensive and frustrated when their shortcomings are pointed out. Thus, the distress associated with their false self being exposed can result in narcissistic rage.

They Do Not Get Their Way

Narcissists truly believe that the world revolves around them and that their needs are superior and more important than anyone else’s. When they do not get their way, narcissists feel a loss of control, resulting in bouts of rage as a way to regain the upper hand.

They Are Criticized

When a narcissist is criticized, their inflated sense of self is damaged. Any perceived negative feedback, even if offered in gentle or productive ways, can easily result in outbursts of narcissistic rage. A narcissist cannot tolerate threats to their massive egos and grandiose self-image.

They Are No Longer the Center of Attention

To remain powerful and in control, a narcissist needs to have a constant source of admiration and validation to fuel their narcissistic supply and ego. When the attention of others is directed elsewhere, they may use anger, verbal aggression, or shouting to shift the situation back to them.

They Are Exposed for Their Behaviors

Being exposed for one’s actions brings vulnerability. For narcissists, this emotion is an uncomfortable or unbearable experience. For example, if their delusions of grandeur are put on display or inadequacies are highlighted, they might react with anger to avoid shame or accountability.

They Are Asked to Be Accountable for Their Actions

Upholding and maintaining their image is what makes a narcissist thrive. Being held accountable for hurting or abusing someone directly targets their ego and induces shame. Reacting with anger, deflection, and fury allows the narcissist to pivot the direction of a situation away from owning up to their mistakes and behavior.

They Face a Setback, Disappointment, or Conflict

A narcissist can become easily enraged if a setback occurs in their life, job, or relationship. Not getting their way results in both a loss of control and a bruised ego. In these situations, they may lash out with rage to either deflect from the conflict or regain a sense of authority.

They Feel a Loss of Control

If the narcissist feels like they are losing control of the situation, a rage fit allows them to regain power over those around them. Even if they are receiving unfavorable reactions from their targets, the narcissist revels in the attention and superiority they have restored.

Narcissistic Rage Cycle

Anger in healthy individuals is proportionate to the situation at hand. However, with narcissistic rage, a narcissist’s reaction is illogical and extreme. When triggered, they may become stressed and anxious before the intense blow-up. The cycle continues, leading to emotional dysfunction and dysregulation.

Below are the stages of a narcissistic rage cycle:

  • Stress: A narcissist may subconsciously ignore anger for a moment when met with a stressful trigger.
  • Anxiety: After becoming stressed, the anger begins to seep through in small ways, such as outward displays of anxiety.
  • Agitation and frustration: Eventually and often very fast, the narcissist shows the first signs of anger through words or facial expressions.
  • Rage: Finally, a narcissistic rage fit occurs with visible acts of aggression and loss of temper.

Examples of Narcissistic Rage

Narcissistic rage comes on quickly. Something small or trivial could trigger it, such as changes in tone or body language. It is important to remember that their anger is not your fault, despite attempts to manipulate you into thinking it is.

Possible narcissistic rage examples include:

  • The narcissist breaks all of the glasses in the house if a guest notices a smudge on one while taking a drink.
  • The narcissist punches a hole in the wall if their child does not finish first in a race at school.
  • The narcissist verbally abuses their spouse for three hours when they have not cleaned the house to their standard.
  • The narcissist destroys a public bathroom after a stranger criticizes their dirty car.
  • The narcissist slashes the tires of a coworker who received the promotion over them.
  • The narcissist hits their spouse or children because they caused “embarrassment.”

Fits of Narcissistic Rage Consequences

Narcissistic rage can cause not only conflict and harm to the people involved but to the narcissist as well. The resulting consequences impact everyone, including family, coworkers, and friends. Frequent anger outbursts can result in many life disturbances, possibly even legal issues and financial problems.

Narcissistic rage can lead to negative impacts such as:

  • Familial conflict: Narcissistic rage results in family dysfunction, even estrangement if the anger escalates. It can be difficult for family members to engage with someone who is constantly on edge and blames everyone else for their issues.
  • Loss of friendships: Friendship is a two-way street, and friends need to feel valued and supported by one another. Most people will not tolerate being yelled at or made to feel small and unimportant.
  • Financial challenges: Narcissists can be impulsive when in a fit of rage and may engage in gambling or overspending.
  • Difficulties maintaining employment: If a narcissist can’t control their rage in the workplace, their behavior is both unprofessional and a liability. Ultimately, frequent outbursts can lead to job loss.
  • Legal issues: Explosive anger can easily result in legal problems if left uncontrolled.
  • Physical harm to self or others: A fit of rage could escalate to physical harm, such as hitting someone or punching the wall during an argument.
  • Depression and anxiety: After lashing out, the comedown can be shameful and isolating for the narcissist. Over time, this can increase the risk of depression and anxiety.
  • Suicidal thoughts or behaviors: A narcissist may feel suicidal following a narcissistic rage outburst if they are overwhelmed by shame. They may also make threats of self-harm as a manipulation tactic.

How to Avoid a Narcissist’s Rage

Dealing with a narcissist can be problematic. When you see that the narcissist is enraged, do not continue engaging with them. Physically distance yourself from them as much as possible, ignore them, or avoid any interaction with them. Most importantly, set your boundaries and know they will try to manipulate these whenever given the opportunity.

Here are tips for when you’re faced with narcissistic rage:

1. Establish Your Boundaries

Firmly state your boundaries and stick to them. When possible, remove yourself from the situation and disengage completely.  Have a few phrases to help disarm the narcissist, and tell them that you would be willing to discuss the situation once they have calmed down. Consistently establishing and sticking to your boundaries shows the narcissist that their narcissistic manipulative tactics do not work on you. If you deviate from your established limits, the narcissist will continue to push against them and abuse you.

2. Stay Calm

The narcissist enjoys seeing you rattled and upset. For your well-being, make every effort to stay calm. Try meditation as it can help you to slow down your breathing, calm anxieties, and create a sense of detachment from the narcissistic drama. Counting down, refocusing, or finding your ‘happy place’ will keep you stay grounded when faced with narcissistic rage.

3. Don’t Overreact

The narcissist finds joy in watching you react to their rage. They know that you are experiencing great discomfort and anxiety, so don’t feed their need for supply. No response is the best course of action.

4. Empathize With the Narcissist & Validate Their Viewpoint

Try to understand the narcissist’s point and empathize with them. By agreeing with some of their points, you give the narcissist a sense of validation. Steer clear of any condescending tones to avoid enraging the narcissist. Agree with their key points for the moment until a later time when you can discuss the issue safely.

5. Physically Distance Yourself

Once you see that the narcissist has become enraged, you should immediately remove yourself physically from their presence. Go to another room, separate office, outside, or exit the car. With narcissistic rage, you can never be too careful.

6. Don’t Raise Your Voice

When arguing with a narcissist, be sure to avoid raising your voice. You can’t always pinpoint what will set off the narcissistic rage. However, there tends to be a pattern of triggers. Pay close attention to when the person becomes upset or angry. What resulted in this anger? Was it something you said or a certain situation that set them off? Be mindful of events both before and after narcissistic rage to take note of for the future. If possible, avoid or deflect those situations to deter more outbursts.

7. Pause to Discuss

In some cases, it can be helpful to pause and explain to the narcissist that you need time to think about what they are saying. This validates the narcissist’s point of view as you are taking time to understand them.

8. Remember This Is Not About You

Everything is always about the narcissist, their wants, and their needs. When you understand this, it is easier to deal with them and the narcissistic tactics that come along with them. Understand that this is a personality disorder that has nothing to do with you.

9. Understand Where the Fault Lies

Victims of narcissistic abuse tend to blame themselves for the narcissist’s rage, often finding reasons why their behavior contributed to the anger. There is nothing within you that you need to fix to appease the narcissist. They have an insatiable appetite for attention and you can do nothing about it.

10. Follow Through With Boundaries

Establishing boundaries and following through are key to stopping narcissistic abuse and rage. Actions speak louder than words and the narcissist does not listen to reason. Being steadfast, assertive, and bold with your actions is essential to overpowering their abuse and rage.

How to Respond to Narcissistic Rage

The more reaction you give to narcissistic rage, the more you are fueling the fire. Remember that the rage isn’t personal (even though it feels like it). Set boundaries with a narcissist and stick to them, don’t engage, and don’t try to debate with them. When narcissists are in an angry state of mind, they cannot think clearly and there is no reasoning with them. It’s okay to ignore them or walk away to protect yourself if they’re becoming rageful or violent.

In the Workplace

Working with someone who has NPD or narcissistic traits can be challenging and problematic. Co-workers or bosses may put you down, make you feel inferior, and respond with rage if you criticize any wrongdoings–even if these jeopardize the workplace.

  • Set your limits: Being around a narcissist will test your limits. Rather than constantly flexing your needs and wants, be stable and consistent. When the line is crossed, it’s time to move one.
  • Quit immediately: If you have a narcissistic boss, you may want to walk away at the earliest opportunity. Engaging with a narcissist will often be a losing battle.

In a Romantic Relationship

Pay close attention to their triggers if you are in a relationship with a narcissist. This can take a lot of work and patience, as these triggers may look different from those you’ve seen in past relationships or partners. Make time to reassess the relationship when needed and establish what you’re willing to put up with moving forward. Abuse in any form is never acceptable. You are never obligated to stay in the relationship.

In a Friendship

If you have a narcissistic friend, establish clear boundaries with them to avoid becoming their punching bag. Just like with a romantic partner, it’s okay to take breaks from them and allow them space to cool down before you speak again. Knowing when to end a friendship is critical when handling narcissistic rage.

From a Stranger

If a stranger lashes out at you with anger, whether it be narcissistic rage or typical rage, there is no reason to stay and argue with them. Doing so will only escalate the situation and lead to further frustration. Additionally, you cannot know if they may become violent when you respond. Remove yourself from the situation to prevent harm to yourself and possibly others.

Coping With Your Rage as a Narcissist

If you are struggling to deal with your own rage, self-awareness is the first step in addressing it. While you already know that you are prone to outbursts of anger and aggression, you may not realize how this impacts your loved ones. Learning how to respond in healthy ways to triggers, seeking the help of a professional, or practicing anger management techniques are all productive ways to help curb anger.

Tips for coping with narcissistic rage

  • Seek professional treatment. Narcissism is too intense and too challenging to manage without mental health treatment, but it is possible to change your behaviors. Start therapy and attend consistently.
  • Letting people know your patterns. Rage is not acceptable, but if you warn people ahead of time, it could help maintain your relationships.
  • Use your coping skills. Therapists will offer a wide range of healthy coping skills for anger. Accept them, practice them, and use them when the situation calls for it.
  • Isolate when necessary. If you are feeling like a bomb just waiting to explode, stay by yourself for a bit. Once the period of rage passes, test yourself by reemerging into your relationships slowly.
  • Join a support group: Learning how others have handled their anger when triggered can teach you coping skills to use on your own.
  • Practice mindfulness when triggered: Anger can feel overwhelming both physically and emotionally. Using mindfulness can allow you to calm your body and mind in bouts of intense stress or anger.

When to Seek Professional Help

Being on the receiving end of a narcissistic rage outburst is emotionally damaging and exhausting. You don’t need to deal with it on your own and deserve a safe, objective space to process your experience. Therapy can help you develop healthy coping skills, educate you about NPD, and allow you to identify your boundaries. Finding the right therapist is a beneficial step when working through trauma related to rage.


Summing up

How does a narcissist react when they can’t control you? In short, narcissists destroy who they cannot control unless they do something about it. In violent cases, taking power away from a narcissist involves walking away and keeping yourself safe.

Overall, a narcissist controlling you is not sustainable for your mental health. It will destroy your self-esteem and could trigger other issues, including anxiety and depression. Nevertheless, sometimes, our issues fuel the dynamic with narcissists.

Your first step is to find group support or therapy to establish your patterns. Then, you’ll be better equipped for when a narcissist realizes you refuse to be controlled.

You can then learn to be assertive and empathic in establishing your boundaries. The more you share your inner compassion and strength, the more the narcissist can connect to and possibly even heal their inner child with time.

Look for the signs of what is and has been happening for quite some time within the British Royal Family.  From the way the Royal Rota have presented articles about such behaviour in respect of two prominent Royals, almost every bullet point relates to one or both of the Senior Royals in question.  Dependent upon who the Royal Rota want to make feel uncomfortable, possibly because they have not kept up their side of the invisible contract, the other half of the worrisome duo will be praised by performing an every day task.  The role of being difficult or compliant moves between the two like a revolving door.

When it comes to anyone considered close to either of those protagonists, they have decide how much is worth enduring and risking ones personal safety, for the apparent pile of metaphoric gold at the end.  Is the end worth the means the receive the prize at the end?  Is it better to consider ones mental health and protect that instead, by removing oneself from the arena and setting boundaries to ensure that lines are clearly established and cannot be crossed for a considerable amount of years has passed by.

We have touched on in this podcast how rage can be triggered, and how it can be projected on the chosen target as a deflection from recognising and taking responsibility for ones own behaviour. It is comparatively easy to link behaviour and the efforts made to damage the lifestyle aims or plans of their chosen victim.  When that does not work, panic sets in, and then the demands are made painting the return to the Royal circus as being their “duty” (where there is none; the Royal Family is not into conscription at least it is not described as that officially)but out of sheer pride of a narcissistic personality, they do not want to lose face and be seen as needing their Whipping Boy back in the fold – the answer is to get their pals in the Royal Rota to bombard the tabloids with tales of how the one who escaped MUST return and WHY etc.  The Whipping Boy mentality is still alive and well on the Plantation behind gilded gates.  Babies deliberately brought into the world to be a Spare for the older sibling high in the Line of Succession, and told that they can have no personal aspirations, and it is their duty to serve their sibling and take the fall for his/her wrong doings.  Whipping Boys were told that they could not ever leave and they would be given a nice education and wear nice clothes as if that somehow took away the suffering for deeds that they did not commit.  One could easily consider the plight of slaves who dared to try and leave their Slave Masters.  They too were hunted down and brought back or lost their life in the process.  Modern day Spares, have security taken away from them, and their whereabouts given to the Briths Media.  Official document states that the death of the current Spare (who a Spare in the eyes of the Royal Family alone,  because in the world outside of the UK, that person is a husband and father and a successful business owner and philanthropist) states that the death of the current Spare would have limited impact on the people of the UK.  Funny how the 7 year and counting campaign to force this person back to the Plantation, has been using up public funds to travel the globe trying to garner support for help to get the modern day slave to return home.  Slavery is not a legal activity.  You cannot force people to stay with you when you need credibility on so many fronts in the world, and you equally cannot discard him when he is no longer needed a few years down the line.

The Human Rights Act explains that quite clearly and international Law is not something that needs to match the comic books and publications and laws the UK wants to wave in Parliament when it comes to peoples rights.  The Narcissists in the British Royal Family have been created by their upbringing.  It is no coincidence that those heading for the golden chair and hat that has its own chauffeur, or those who have occupied that golden chair in the past, have become troubled adults.  Time for that cycle to be broken.  The person who those in Royal refer to the one who escaped their clutches as a Spare.  That is an insult.  The huge cottage industry that has grown out of having a non elected family with invisible boundary lines into various aspects of public life, along with being allowed to be exempt from laws of the land ensures that the law is not equal, and until it applies to everyone in the UK, it is debateable how authentic sentences of members of the public are applied, just because they were born to different parentage. The antics of the last 7-8 years continue to prove the double standards every single day, and the UK is bordering very close to overstepping its perceived powers in various locations around the world. International Human Rights is going to be one of the main pillars that will ensure certain activities within the Monarchy will not be ignored, for the sake of those who have been targeted over the years, including some who are no longer alive.

The circus created by the current incumbents of the Plantation behind gilded gates, is not one where people can be forced to perform.  Modern day circuses do not wish to see people and animals forced to jump through hoops for others entertainment, or to risk their life for others standing behind the metaphorical safety barriers.  All forms of life deserve their place, and the laws of the land should apply to everyone too. If the Ringmaster does not feel confident in the Ring, then remove him or herself from it.  Simple.  If there is no other Ringmaster rushing forward to take the place, maybe there is a message in their somewhere.  Time to read the quality news journals written outside of the UK, and hopefully it will give the Monarchy family food for thought.

Ivy Barrow


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Written by: By Anne Duvaux  Updated: 12 Dec, 2023